Please review my writing task 1 essay.

Question

The clustered bar chart compares the percentage of youngster who got into higher education in four different countries in 2000, 2005 and 2010. These were country A, country B, country C and country D.

Overall, there was more than a half of young person in higher education in country C and country D each year. The proportion of country A rose steadily during the period shown. The value for country B did not go outside the range of 35%-40% from 2000 to 2010.

In detail, country D had more people who chose higher education than other countries in 2000, 2005 and 2010. In 2000, country D reached its highest level of precisely 80%, more than two times than country B, at about 40%. Country C had no change over the last five years, with around 53% each year. The pattern was similar in country B, which had no difference between 2000 and 2010. Country A started out with only 38%, but it ended up with an increase of 20% in 2010.

p/s: I feel that my essay was not really good enough, so I would appreciate if you give me an example one. It is really helpful for me. Thank you for your kind <3

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You forgot to include the essay instructions.

toof12youngster

A youngster is a child aged 7-12. A percent of youngster means a portion of the child's body.

toof12a half of young person

They top half (from the waist up), or the bottom half (legs and feet)?

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The clustered bar chart compares the percentage of youngster (wrong word) who ~~got into~~ are enrolled in higher education in four different countries in 2000, 2005 and 2010. These were country A, country B, country C and country D.

Overall, there was more than

Overall, there was more than a half of young person (wrong expression - we don't cut people in half) in higher education in country C and country D each year. The proportion of country A rose ~~steadily~~ during the period shown. The value for country B did not go outside the range of 35%-40% ~~from 2000 to 2010~~.

In detail, country D had more people (wrong expression ) who chose higher education than the other countries ~~in 2000, 2005 and 2010~~. In 2000, country D reached its highest level of precisely 80%, more than two times than country B, at about 40%. Country C had no change over the last five years, with around 53% each year. The pattern was similar in country B, which had no difference between 2000 and 2010. Country A started out with only 38%, but it ended up with an increase of 20% in 2010.

Sample Essay:

The bar chart compares the percentages of young adults in four different countries (A, B, C, and D) who were enrolled in tertiary education programs. Three years are shown, five years apart: 2000, 2005 and 2010.

Overall, D had the highest percentages of enrollments; their lowest level of all the three years was higher than any of the other countries in any other the years shown. The percentages increased for A and D; B and C showed little change.

In detail, their rank order did not change much except for A which went up from fourth place in 2000 to second place in 2010. In 2000, D was first at 60%, C second at 50%, B third at 40%, and A in last place at 36%. Five years later, A had moved up to third place at 48%, compared to C at 53% and D at 65%. By 2010, B was at about the same level as in 2000, 40%, which put it in last place. C had maintained its percentages in the range of 50-53% and ended in third place, whereas D kept on increasing, to reach 80% in 2010.

Please review my writing task 1 essay.

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions