Please review my writing task 1

Question

The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010.The two maps illustrated some changes in the way people enter a city hospital in two different years, 2007 and 2010Overall, after three years, there was much supplementation of traffic infrastructure and accesses in 2010. Especially, there was the emergence of roundabouts, separate parking, and new construction of the bus station.In 2010, there was the appearance of two new roundabouts. The first one was built at the three-way junction of the hospital road and the ring road surrounding City Hospital, the second one was situated at the four-way intersection of the city road and the hospital road. Six bus stops at either side of the hospital road in 2007 were be altered for erecting bus station toward the southwestern in 2010. In front of the new bus station, a  mixed-car park was displaced by a car park for staff only, the public car park was constructed next to the right of City Hospital.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The two maps illustrated (wrong tense. Use simple present) some changes made in the transportation infrastructure around City Hospital between 2007 and 2010. ~~in the way people enter a city hospital~~ (not a good paraphrase. ) in two different years, 2007 and 2010 (Missing punctuation)

Overall, after three years, there was much supplementation (wrong word) of traffic infrastructure and accesses ~~in 2010~~. Especially, there was the emergence (wrong word) of roundabouts, separate parking, and ~~new~~ construction of the bus station.

In 2010, (Wrong phrase. How do you know these roundabouts were built in 2010 and not in 2008 or 2009?) there was the appearance (wrong word) of two new roundabouts. The first one was built at the three-way junction of ~~the~~ Hospital Road and the ring road surrounding City Hospital, the second one was situated at the four-way intersection of ~~the~~ City Road and ~~the~~ Hospital Road. Six bus stops at either side of the hospital road in 2007 were be altered (wrong word) for erecting bus station toward the southwestern (wrong word) in 2010. In front of the new bus station, a mixed-car park was displaced (wrong word) by a car park for staff only, (comma splice error) the public car park was constructed next to the right (wrong word) of City Hospital.

Example essay

The two maps illustrate the changes made in the transportation infrastructure around City Hospital between 2007 and 2010.

Overall, major additions were made in the access roads, bus transport and parking. The main roads on the 2007 map are Ring Road, which encircles the hospital, and City Road, which runs in an east-west direction south of the building. Hospital Road runs north-south, providing a connection from City Road to Ring Road. The largest difference in the roads between these two years are the two roundabouts which replaced the intersections at both ends of Hospital Road.

In detail, access by bus was improved. Instead of using the six bus stops along both sides of Hospital Road, people can use the new large bus station on the west side of this road. Ramps connect the bus station to the roundabouts. In terms of car access, the single parking facility located on the east side of Hospital Road was changed to be restricted to staff only. There is a new public car park on the east side of the hospital along Ring Road.

Please review my writing task 1

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