Please review my writing ielts task 1

Question

The chart below gives information about global population percentages and distribution of wealth by region.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.The bar chart compares the proportion of the world's population and wealth share by eight different regions.Overall, China accounts for the highest percentage of the global population, while wealth share in Rich Asia-Pacific is the lowest of the eight regions.Looking at the chart in more detail, North America has just over 5% of the world's population, 30% lower than its proportion of wealth share. The same pattern can be seen in Europe where the figure for wealth share is double that for population share, at 30% and 15%, respectively, and in Rich Asia-Pacific, with approximately 24% of wealth share but only 5% of the global population.In contrast, the overall share of wealth owned by people in Africa, China, India, Latin America and Caribbean and other lower-income countries in Asia is much lower than their population share. China has the highest percentage of the global population, at 24%, but only roughly 2,5% of wealth share. The most striking pattern is in Africa and India where only 1% of wealth share is owned by 10% and 15% of the global population, respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The bar chart compares the proportion of the world's population and wealth share for by eight different regions. (What are these regions? )

Overall, China accounts for the highest percentage of the global population, while wealth share in Rich Asia-Pacific is the lowest of the eight regions.

~~Looking at the chart~~ , (Those are useless words.) In detail, North America has just over 5% of the world's population, 30% lower than its proportion of wealth share. The same pattern can be seen in Europe where the figure (wrong word) for wealth share is double that for population share, at 30% and 15%, respectively, and in Rich Asia-Pacific, with approximately 24% of wealth share but only 5% of the global population.

In contrast, the overall share of wealth owned by people in Africa, China, India, Latin America and Caribbean and other lower-income countries in Asia is much lower than their population share. China has the highest percentage of the global population, at 24%, but only roughly 2,5% of wealth share. The most striking pattern is in Africa and India where only 1% of wealth share is owned by 10% and 15% of the global population, respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample Essay:

Note: This essay is quite challenging, because to get the highest mark, you need to make relative comparisons of wealth across the regions.

The clearest description of the information for comparison purposes is in terms of ratios. If the world's wealth were equally distributed, the ratio of share of population to share of wealth would be 1:1. That is, a region with 50% of the population would have 50% of the wealth and a region with 10% of the population would have 10% of the wealth. Unequal shares (either very rich or very poor) have ratios different from 1:1.

The bar chart compares the distributions of population and wealth over eight world regions: North America, Latin America, Europe, Africa, China, India, and two regions in Asia-Pacific - Rich and Other.

A measure of the evenness of wealth distribution is the ratio of the proportions of population and wealth in each region. A 1:1 ratio indicates that the region has their fair share of the world's wealth. However, the chart shows a highly inequitable distribution with very rich and very poor regions.

In detail, North America, with 34% of the wealth and 6% of the population, has a ratio of over 5:1, that is, the region has more than 5 times the wealth than it would, if it were evenly distributed. Africa and India are the other extreme; Africa has (2:10) or only one fifth its fair share, and India is even poorer (2:16). There is a great contrast in the two Asia-Pacific regions. The richer region (24:5) is nearly as well-off as North America, but the poorer (3:17) is only slightly better off than Africa.

Please review my writing ielts task 1

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