Please review my writing ielts task 1

Question

The pie charts compare the proportion of people in 18-25-year-olds using different devices to watch television in Canada in 2009 and 2019.

Overall, conventional TV was used by the highest number of Canadian people in the 18 to 25 age group in 2009, while mobile phone and flat-screen TV were much more popular among Canadians in that age bracket in 2019.

In 2009, just over a third of young Canadians used conventional TV, which was nearly double the percentage of desktop computer usage. Ranked second was "laptop" with 20% of usage, 5% higher than that of "mobile phone". Flat-screen TV and tablet were less popular among youngsters at this time, at 8% and 5%, respectively.

However, in 2019, youngsters in Canada hardly used conventional TV, accounting for only 4% of usage. Instead, flat-screen TV became more well-liked, at 27%, followed by mobile phone, with 26%. Tablet was also a relatively favored device among young Canadians, at 19%. Meanwhile, the proportion of the young using desktop computer and laptop to watch TV was the same, with 12% of each.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

I have ask you several times before to post essays in the writing forum.

Please post essays, paragraphs, dialogues and other writing in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post. Click on this link: Next, tap on the green button "write a new post"

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Please include the Task instructions so we don't have to go searching on the internet for them.

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You must learn how to combine categories if you want a high score. Just copying numbers from the figure will not yield a good mark.

The pie charts compare the proportion of people in 18-25-year-olds using different devices to watch television in Canada in 2009 and 2019. (What are the devices? How many choices are there?)

Overall, conventional TV was used by the highest number of Canadian people in the 18 to 25 age group (You do not need to repeat this information. You already gave the age group in the first paragraph.) in 2009, while mobile phone and flat-screen TV were much more popular among Canadians in that age bracket in 2019.

In 2009, just over a third of young Canadians used conventional TV, which was nearly double the percentage of desktop computer usage. Ranked second was "laptop" with 20% of usage, 5% higher than that of "mobile phone". Flat-screen TV and tablet were less popular among youngsters at this time, at 8% and 5%, respectively.

However, in 2019, youngsters in Canada hardly used conventional TV, accounting for only 4% of usage. Instead, flat-screen TV became more well-liked, at 27%, followed by mobile phone, with 26%. Tablet was also a relatively favored device among young Canadians, at 19%. Meanwhile, the proportion of the young using desktop computer and laptop to watch TV was the same, with 12% of each.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay

The two pie charts, 2009 and 2019, divide the total population of young Canadian adults (18-25) into groups based on what devices they use to watch TV. Six different devices are shown: conventional TV, flat screen TV, desktop computer, laptop, tablet and mobile phone.

Overall, in 2009, TV sets were the first choice for these viewers, with laptop computers being second. Flat screen TVs largely replaced conventional TVs in 2019 with mobile phones coming in as a close second.

In detail, TVs (conventional and flat screen) had the majority of viewers, 52% in 2009. This dropped to under one-third in 2019, with conventional TV sets practically disappearing to only a 4% share. Use of a small-screen device, a mobile phone, nearly doubled, from 15 to 26%. Portable computers (laptops and tablets) were used by a quarter in 2009, and that increased slightly to 31%; the decrease in laptop use (20 to 12%) being offset by an rise by nearly a factor of four in tablet use (5% to 19%).

This version was much easier to read. The blue colors in your image were difficult to distinguish.

Please review my writing ielts task 1

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