Please review my writing for an IELTS writing Task 2

now I think I know the reason why my writings were quite badly written ??. It was probably because I was affected by the style of writing in my native language ??. I am working on it and will try another topic to see whether or not I've successfully surmounted my vocabulary issues. Thanks a bunch, ?? It is such a relief to know there're online websites like yours that exist helping with evaluating essays. ( I'll start writing another essay tonight, hehe next time will be better, i have faith in myself hahaha??) Thanks again , have a good day ??????