Please review my writing essay (Writing task 2). Thanks!

I'm just starting studying Ielts for 1 month and my average score is about 4.0 to 4.5. My target is from 6.0 to 7.0. So please kindly help me, thank you so much.

Task: Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think it has more advantages or disadvantages?

In this context, becoming a student in University after high school is the most common route in the young generation. This essay agrees that it is the shortest way which leads to success.
Some people argue that youth should work immediately before studying third level education. So they can earn much money earlier on their own. Therefore, they are able to become an independent person without subsidies from their parents. Besides that, they have the ability to learn specialized skills and real experience more, which will be established as a strong base for their future career. For instance, in our country, many young people dropped out their study and found the job after high school. Not least of them have succeeded.
On the other hand, I believe that continuing to study higher is still a better choice. Many companies always require great education qualifications for the leadership position, and they are ready to pay a high salary for this job. Specifically, for vitally important roles in companies, they always recruit a person who has at least a master certificate and fluent English skill. An instance of this argument, a lot of large companies such as Facebook, Google or Tesla are paying thousands of dollars per month and providing most of the best welfare services for their CEO.
In conclusion, there are many ways to reach a successful career. However, it seems to me that pursuing higher education is a better route for the stably prospective occupation than finding jobs straightway after high school.

(253 words)