Please review my TOIEC Writing Essay

TOPIC: Different types of industries require different types of personal qualities in workers. What do you think are the necessary qualities for people working in a bank? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

My answer:

Different kinds of fields ask for different kinds of personal qualities in employees. For people who work in the banking industry, need to have the following three personal qualities.

First, a good banker has to be honest. Because when we work in the banking field, we usually take care of clients who have a lot of money. Therefore, it can make us become more and more greedy and start defrauding wealthy customers of their property. For example, a young male bank teller has just been arrested yesterday because he stole forty billion VND from his clerks in order to invest in stock and real estate. If a bank has many employees who are honest, it will be a trustworthy and successful bank.

Second, intelligence is an important key for people who want to work in the banking industry. Since we have to acquire advanced knowledge about finance, economy, law and accounting so as to consult our customers how to make suitable investment plans. If we are not very intelligent, we will not have high chances of promotion and we will not be allocated important tasks.

Third, cautiousness is a necessary factor if we want to become professional bankers. In the baking field, we are not allowed to make any mistakes. Since if we make mistakes, we can face some serious problems. For instance, my brother who works as a financial analyst, he has recently lost a very potential customer because he analyzes the stock market wrong. Therefore, we must be very careful if we do not want our career path in the finance industry to be affected negatively.

In conclusion, honesty, intelligence and cautiousness are critical personal qualities for people who work in the banking industry. If we have the three above personal qualities, we can succeed in the baking field.