Please review my Toefl essay

Topic:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only do what they know how to do well.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My essay:

Trying new things and taking risks are indispensable factors in the path leading to success. In my opinion, being adventurous is absolutely essential to achieve our goals. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, exploring new things enables us to discover our talents. Being closed-minded and sticking to familiar things may hinder a person from recognizing his real interest and ability. For instance, at school, my sister always receives high scores in maths and science subjects, but the opposite happens in her music class. She is not an outstanding student and often struggles with music tests and exams. Therefore, she keeps having the thought that music is beyond her capability, that she could never excel in this area. However, when our mother suggested her learning to play the piano, she still decided to give it a try. It turned out that my sister has a knack for piano and she even fell in love with it. She gradually realized that while she may not be good at other areas in music such as singing or learning theory, she is accomplished in playing musical instruments. This is how trying different things can help us find out our true talents.

Secondly, daring to take risks also allows us to learn from our mistakes and thus enhance our knowledge and experience. Venturesome people may sometimes suffer failure, yet failure is not the end of this world. It helps us recognize our weaknesses, inspiring us to do better next time. For example, when I was a child, riding a bike used to be my biggest fear. Every time I ride, I was afraid of falling off the bike and getting hurt. But I kept practicing and did not give up. Whenever I failed, I tried to figure out the cause, which could be sudden braking or my lack of attention. Eventually, after a few months, I was successful and be confident in my riding ability. That is the reason we should be adventurous to reach our target.

In conclusion, the willingness to take risks and try different things is a crucial quality in order to succeed. It not only helps us discover our talents but also enable us to learn from our failure.