Please review my task 2 writing

Question

The number of elderly people in the world is increasing. What do you think are the positive and negative effects of this trend?Recently, in several societies, the population of people living to a ripe old age is growing significantly. From my standpoint, I believe the disadvantages of life expectancy outweigh the advantages.One positive feature is that the higher longevity people have, the more life experiences they hand down to following generations. A good example of this is when people in their seventies and even older have a strong background of knowledge including the best way to plant the rice or which season is most suitable to grow their crops. Consequently, the children and grandchildren benefit from the experience of an older mind. It is often comforting to seek advice from the elderly. Besides, older people are capable of having plenty of quality family time for longer. In addition, they are able to take up a wide range of hobbies that were impossible while working.On the other hand, the greying population has a range of detrimental impacts. Firstly, the climbing number of senior citizens might lead to an overburdened public health system. There is an increased life expectancy among the elderly, however, the number of old people suffering Alzheimer’s, heart disease, and age-related disability is growing. Although these chronic diseases require special medical treatment, a range of provinces still has no proper pharmaceutical departments in the hospital. Consequently, this problem may put a heavy burden on healthcare and budget. Secondly, economic stagnation is another result of population aging. Because the shrinking labor pool tends to drive up wages while the growing elderly population requires more spending on pensions and healthcare. Moreover, a shrinking workforce can leave a country unable to get enough contact with the hi-tech systems.In conclusion, the increasing problems old people bring to the globe, however, does mean that this phenomenon has no essential benefits.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

~~Recently, in several societies~~, The ~~population~~ percentage of people living to a ripe old age (That is not very academic.) is growing significantly. From my standpoint, I believe the disadvantages of life expectancy outweigh the advantages.

Here are a couple more comments on your first paragraph.

1. Life expectancy is defined as the average age of death in a particular population. It is a demographic measurement, a statistic that indicates the health and well being of that population.

For example, in the US, the life expectancy decreased by nearly 2 years as an effect of the COVID-19 pandemic. Among the minorities, Black and Hispanic sectors, of the population it decreased nearly 4 years. They were more likely to get the disease and die from it.

How can a calculated value, a statistic, have advantages and disadvantages?

2. The essay prompt is

What do you think are the positive and negative effects of this trend?

You did not answer the essay prompt. You answered a different prompt:

Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

If you answer a question that is not in the task, you will lose a lot of points for "task response". You must read the instructions very carefully and answer the question that you see.

One positive feature is that the longer people live, ~~higher longevity people have~~, the more life experiences they accumulate to hand down to the younger ~~following~~ generations. A good example of this is when people in their seventies and even older have a strong background of knowledge including the best way to plant the rice or which season is most suitable to grow their crops. Consequently, the children and grandchildren benefit from the experience of an older mind. It is often comforting to seek advice from the elderly. Besides, older people are capable of having plenty of quality family time with the young children when the parents are working. ~~for longer~~. In addition, they are able to take up a wide range of hobbies that were impossible while working.

On the other hand, the greying population has a range of detrimental impacts. ~~Firstly~~, First, the climbing number of senior citizens might lead to an overburdened public health system. There is an increased life expectancy among the elderly, (comma splice error) however, the number of old people suffering from Alzheimer’s, heart disease, and age-related disabilities is growing. Although these chronic diseases require special medical treatment, ~~a range of provinces~~ many hospitals still have no proper ~~pharmaceutical departments~~ (A pharmaceutical department is the drug store within a hospital. They order drugs and keep medications on hand for the patients. Every hospital has one.) geriatric treatment units ~~in the hospital~~. Consequently, this problem may put a heavy burden on the healthcare system and budget. ~~Secondly~~, Second, economic stagnation is another result of an aging population ~~aging~~. Because the shrinking labor pool tends to drive up wages while the growing elderly population requires more spending on pensions and healthcare. (That is not a complete sentence. ) Moreover, a shrinking workforce can leave a country unable to get enough contact with the hi-tech systems. (That makes no sense. I don't know what a "contact with a hi-tech system" is. )

In conclusion, the increasing problems old people bring to the globe, however, does mean that this ~~phenomenon~~ (wrong word) has no essential benefits (I cannot understand this sentence. - The problems have no benefits?)

Please review my task 2 writing

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