Please review my task 2 IELTS writing an what band score is it?

topic: Some people think that it is more effective for students to study in groups, while others believe that it is better for them to study alone.
Discuss both views and give your opinions.

my writing:

In civil society, education has been the top priority among citizens, in which choosing the most effective ways to approach the knowledge from curriculum has become a matter of debate. As far as I am concerned, studying with peers should be encouraged, while I also attach significance to self-study.

Regarding the former method, the most obvious benefit it offers is the opportunity for students to share their personal ideas in frequent discussions. Therefore, they can gain more new knowledge based on their counterparts’ own backgrounds. In addition, through group studying, participants can improve their cooperation ability, as well as the capacity of assessing and impairing knowledge to the others, which are one of the most crucial skills in contemporary life. Another aftermath is that in a particular discussion, the workload is reasonably divided with regard to individual’s expertise, so that they can both practice their own strengths and save a large amount of time.

It is also evident that the latter one has its own advantages. First of all, this mean can better their independence, including self-estimation and self-development. Thus, students are likely to address a variety of problems by their own. On the top of that, it creates no disturbance among classmates and helps them to be more focus on their study as sometimes a discussion may lead to some unnecessary arguments unfortunately. Furthermore, studying by their own can be beneficial in some circumstances. To cite an example, during COVID pandemic, social distancing is essential. Studying alone means they both follow the safety regulation and ensure their task achievement.

I pen down saying that although both group discussions and study alone are effective, the latter is the more potential approach.