Please review my task 1 essay. Thank you teacher

Question

Topic: The table shows the number of employees and factories producing silk in England and Wales between 1851 and 1901.

My essay: The table demonstrates the workforce of silk-produced factories in both two countries England and Wales during a period from 1851 to 1901.

In general, there was a major decrease in terms of the total number of silk workers, and more women were employed than men. Additionally, an upward trend was observed for factories, despite some ups and downs.

In 1851, a total of 130.750 people in two nations worked in 272 silk factories, over half being female (76.786) compared to above 50.000 men. In next two decades, the number of employees declined steadily by a further 20.000 people whereas the factories almost tripled, reaching the peak at 761 despite also slight dipping to 693 in 1871. By 1881, there was a less positive trend for the number of total employees. Statistics continued to decrease regarding both female and male workers, falling from 32.138 and 25.766 to 25.576 and 13.375 respectively, which led to a drop in total number, at bottom level 38.942 in 1901. Similarly, factories also experienced a gradual decline from 702 to 623 although generally showing a threefold increase than before.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The table demonstrates (wrong word. What is in the table?) the workforce of silk-produced (wrong expression. This means factories that were made of silk.) factories in both two countries England and Wales during a period from 1851 to 1901. (Incomplete. You did not mention men and women, or the total, or the number of rows.)

In general, there was a major decrease in ~~terms of~~ the total number of silk workers, and more women were employed than men. Additionally, ~~an upward trend was observed for~~ the number of factories, generally went up. ~~despite some ups and downs~~.

In 1851, a total of 130.750 people ~~in two nations~~ worked in 272 silk factories, over half being female (76.786) compared to above 50.000 (If you give the exact number of women, and the exact total, you need to do the same for men.) men. In next two decades, the number of employees declined steadily by ~~a further~~ 20.000 people whereas the number of factories almost tripled, reaching the highest level ~~peak~~ at 761 despite also slight dipping to 693 in 1871. By 1881, there was a less positive trend (The trend is always negative, not positive.) for the number of total employees. Statistics (wrong word) continued to decrease regarding both female and male workers, falling from 32.138 and 25.766 to 25.576 and 13.375 respectively, which led to a drop in total number, ~~at bottom~~ to the lowest level 38.942 in 1901. Similarly, the number of factories also ~~experienced~~ a (Factories do not have experiences.) gradually declined from 702 to 623 although generally showing a threefold increase than before. (That makes no sense.)

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample Essay;

The table lists the number of people (male, female and total) employed in the silk industry in England and Wales every ten years between 1851 and 1901. In addition, it records the number of factories.

Overall, the total workforce was the largest in 1851, and it decreased steadily over each ten-year time span. The number of factories was the smallest in 1851 and the largest in 1861.

In detail, in 1851 the size of the workforce was 130,750, employed by 272 factories, giving an average of 480 employees per factory. Ten years later, about 110 thousand people were working in 761 factories, an average factory employee count of 144. And this trend of smaller silk producing businesses continued, so in 1901, there were only about 60 employees per factory. In terms of gender, the number of men declined from just under 54 thousand to a little over 13 thousand fifty years later, a decrease of 75%. There were fewer women, also, from nearly 77 thousand to about 26 thousand, a decrease of 66%. But the proportion of women did not change much; it was in the range of 58-64% throughout the period.

Please review my task 1 essay. Thank you teacher

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