Please review my short essay

Topic: "Doing a part time job is necessary for college students".

To what extent do you agree or disagree?. Write at least 350 words

My essay:

It is considered that taking a part-time job is essential for university students. College students, especially freshmen, tend to look for a part-time job nowadays. They have several reasons for doing that. For killing time because of too much free time, having more experience or supporting their finance of family. In my view, I partly disagree with the statement that students need to work a part-time job.

Looking for a part-time job is not a good choice for college students, especially first-year students. It can make us do not have enough time for self-studying and doing homework. For example, there are a few managers who often request students to work overtime by giving reasons such as lack of human resources. Most of freshmen do not have time management skills and they are still a bit naive so they are easy to be forced to work overtime. And this is one of the common reasons that lead to bad academic results. Since working overtime makes us feel very tired and does not have enough energy to meet the deadline. Students should spend more time looking for their passion and talent as the time of staying at school is a good time to do that. For instance, we can gain more soft skills, lessons, and experience by taking part in clubs, communist youth union or some social activities. However, it is indeed a fact that doing a part-time job teaches us a lot of things. It helps us know making money is not easy like we thought and be mature. Moreover, when we do a part-time job, we will be opened up our eyes about society and have a chance to open lines of communication. This makes we are less astonished when we are offered a full-time job after graduating from college. I am usually told that most of the knowledge in the university is just theory and it is not helpful after graduating by my brothers and senior students but I think it is just a sophism. They consider that for they do not find any interest in their major or they may choose a major which unsuitable with their qualifications. Furthermore, there are other options to have more experience instead of working a part-time job like participating in extracurricular activities.

In conclusion, it is not necessary that students have to find a part-time job during the time of staying at college. Instead, they should focus on studying to avoid relearning and to graduate on time. If college students have a part-time job, they have to balance between studying and working.