Please review my part 2 IELTS essay. Thank you!

Task 2: Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The 21st century has witnessed unprecedented development in the living standard and social life quality. However, this comes with an increasing number of crime cases, especially among young people with more complex techniques for committing crimes. This has raised a lively argument that young individuals committing serious crimes should also deserve to be penalized in a similar way as old ones, with which I partly agree. This essay will elaborate on some reasons and personal perspectives on this issue.

Admittedly, juvenile offenders need to be strictly punished when committing serious crimes to foster justice and prevent similar cases later on. Despite their young age, a number of teenagers are inclined to lead a toxic lifestyle and perform negative actions that exert adverse influences on society as a whole, in which they perform several common felonies such as cyber crimes, drug dealing and even murder. With those unforgivable wrongdoings, stringent punishment should be imposed as an effective way to force the outlaw to not only acknowledge but also regret and excruciate for their mistakes, which makes them respect the social law and rectify their problems. Therefore, this act could be considered as the practice of justice and also a deterrence for both recommitting cases of criminals and further juvenile delinquency in the future.

However, it is my contention that strict penalties for serious crimes are an ineffective solution, especially with first-time young wrongdoers in helping them reintegrate for a better life. With their young lifetime, adolescents are apparent to have a lack of practical experiences, hands-on skills along with strong guts to encounter temptations, who would probably become the most vulnerable subject to fall into social evils due to others’ lurings. As a matter of fact, many of the increasing number of young crime cases may be caused by their impulsive characteristics or reckless activities without full acknowledgement of the following consequences, which are not because of their intentions. Hence, slighter penalties such as special retraining or reforming curriculum are encouraged to present a humane way of education, which could not only provide another opportunity for them to rectify their problems and reintegrate into society but also enable them to get a proper clean job and keep contributing to social well-being. For instance, Bruce Mathieu, who committed crimes concerning drug trafficking during his rebellious teenage, has found his own way out after those dark days of imprisonment and now become one of the most famous influencers giving motivation to criminals to recognize their mistakes and remake a better life. Obviously, he is just one among thousands of young ex-offenders who are given more chances to become better and indeed become helpful citizens in society.

In conclusion, although harsh punishment could be an ideal method to deter other serious crimes from happening again and maintain a peaceful and organized society, sometimes it could be an ending way for young teenagers who are gullible and short-sighted, preventing them from reintegrating and remaking. Therefore, it is advisable for legislative and executive authorities to carefully consider juvenile delinquency cases to avoid undesired situations.