Please review my paragraph

Topic: In about 140 words, write a paragraph about benefits of changing jobs in life/ not staying in the same job for life

My paragraph:

Today, because of the appearance of hot occupations in job markets, employees tend to change jobs more frequently instead of working for a single company. First, if one's previous job is too demanding, one could suffer from work-related stress due to excessive work hours. As a result, changing jobs is an advisable choice. Not only does a less demanding job avoid health issues and burnout but can improve the quality of life as well. Second, making a career change means they are stepping out of their comfort zone. Therefore, they will be forced to learn to adapt themselves to an organization and useful skills from colleagues, which is advantageous to their career path in the future. Furthermore, having experience of all kinds of jobs could help them start their own successful business. Finally, work experience is a requisite skill that employers are looking for; thus, working for various occupations helps job hoppers gain a competitive edge over other candidates. To conclude, with these upside, workers should change jobs at least once in life.

(Thanks a billion!??)