Please review my paragraph :)

Topic: In about 140 words, write a paragraph about benefits of part-time jobs

My paragraph:

These days, part-time jobs are becoming more and more common with young people, especially students. To begin with, instead of relying on families, students can make money to fend for themselves. In this way they can not only reduce the burden of money on parents but can also support their family. Furthermore, they can learn time management skills since they have to work and study simultaneously. Second, with the increasing competitiveness in job markets, an entry-level job is the best choice for low-skilled people to gain more experience. Having exposure to different jobs allows part-timers to learn work-related skills, which help them stand out from other applicants. The last benefit is the interpersonal skills, which are not taught in universities or colleges. Interacting with all kinds of people and personalities helps them make more friends and build good relationships which are beneficial in the future. Additionally, one could become more confident and outgoing by talking more to other people. To conclude, a part-time job is a good choice for many people because of these advantages it provides.