Please review my paragraph

Topic: In about 140 words, write a paragraph about the advantages of running own business.

My paragraph:

Many young people these days are choosing to start a business instead of working for other people for several reasons. First, having their own business provides the flexibility and independence in their work and lifestyle, which is impossible when working for someone else. They can decide when and where they work without asking for anyone's permission. For instance, instead of commuting every day, they can spend more time with their family by working at home. The second benefit is the creative freedom. Being their own boss allows them to work in their ways without being subjected to any principles or rules. Furthermore, they can choose to work in a field that they really have a passion for in order to devote themselves to it. Finally, having the ability to make money for themselves could motivate them to make a valuable contribution to their family and society. In conclusion, with these benefits, young people should be encouraged to start their own business.

(Hi teacher! Do you think this instruction is ungrammatical? I think it should be "Running a business" or "your own business". Thanks!)