Please review my paragraph

Question

1. Present an argument to seek support from an international audience for a solution to a socioeconomic issue/topic that impacts your community.

Air pollution in Hanoi has become one of the most controversial issues in Vietnam these days due to massive construction activities and the increase in the number of vehicles in the capital. Therefore, a concerted effort should be made to reduce the damage. Firstly, by traveling on foot or bicycle, we can reduce the amount of carbon dioxide released into the atmosphere. Secondly, we should use environmentally friendly fuel to lower greenhouse gas emissions. Finally, we should buy products from an environmentally conscious company that used green material such as sand or clay. The solutions for this issue are attainable; however, the air quality in Hanoi still consistently worsened. The explanation lies in the fact that there are not many companies wanting to invest in an area such as solar energy since investing in fossil fuels would be more beneficial. However, I can guarantee that eventually, fossil fuels will run out, and the only measure is using renewable energy. Therefore, by investing in this field early, the profits will be enormous in the long run.

Thank you for reviewing my paragraph, I need it to be exact 150 words, do you have some suggestion ( mine paragraph is 175 words) of what to remove from the paragraph ?

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Air pollution in Hanoi has become one of the most controversial issues in Vietnam these days due to massive construction activities and the increase in the number of vehicles in the capital. Therefore, a concerted effort should be made to reduce the damage. ~~Firstly~~, First, by traveling on foot or bicycle, we can reduce the amount of carbon dioxide released into the atmosphere. ~~Secondly~~, Second, we should use environmentally friendly fuel to lower greenhouse gas emissions. Finally, we should buy products from an environmentally conscious company that uses ~~used~~ green material such as sand or clay. The solutions for this problem ~~issue~~ are attainable; however, the air quality in Hanoi still consistently worsened. The explanation lies in the fact that there are not many companies wanting to invest in an area such as solar energy since investing in fossil fuels would be more beneficial. However, I can guarantee that eventually, fossil fuels will run out, and the only measure is using renewable energy. Therefore, by investing in this field early, the profits will be enormous in the long run.

linhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh1. Present an argument to seek support from an international audience for a solution to a socioeconomic issue/topic that impacts your community.

You did not once in your paragraph ask for support. So you did not answer this adequately.

linhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I need it to be exactly 150 words. Do you have some suggestions ( ~~mine~~ my paragraph is 175 words) of what to remove from the paragraph ?

First, you need to rewrite it so it follows the instructions.

This example has exactly 150 words:

Air pollution in Hanoi has become a major problem these days due to massive construction activities and the increase in traffic. We have taken some measures ourselves, but they are not adequate. We need your help in becoming a clean, healthy and safe city for tourists and residents alike. First, by encouraging more people to walk, bike, take public transport or carpool, we are reducing vehicular emissions. That has helped a lot. Second, we are promoting non-polluting energy sources such as solar and wind energy. But this requires significant investment, money which we do not have. And that is where you, the international community, can come to our aid. We are asking for low-interest loans. As our country develops a robust tourism industry, and increases the number of companies manufacturing goods for export, we will be able to pay back the loans and have clean air and water.

Please review my paragraph

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