Please review my motivation letter

Hello!

I'm writing a motivation letter for master admission and need someone to review it. I'm bit rushing as the deadline is Jan 15 so any help would be much appreciated.
Thank you!

Here are my draft :

Graduate Program Director Master Programme in International Health
X University

Dear The Graduate Selection Committee,

I am writing to inform you of my interest to Master Program in International Health in X University for Fall 2015 admission.
I developed deep interest into public health since I involved to community activities while attending Y university and working into pediatric research office during almost past a year.

In February 2012, I went to a small village in XX Province, to fulfill community services compulsory program from my campus. It was my very first time to engage with the real situation in community. Together with my team, I had to analyse root of health problems in that village and come up with plans to reduce the burden. Given only 2 months to carry out the program, the team could barely overcome all the existing problems. However we managed to revitalize the role of community health workers who were the front-liner persons to combat health problems in that the village. This achievement made me realized that small but elemental intervention is the effective solution for addressing complex health problem in community.

Similar experience I gained when I became coordinator of a nutrition student group in my campus. I got chances to visit several communities—mostly in rural areas—and learned about their nutritional problems. With the limitation of knowledge we had at the time, we tried our best to provide general health services and educatebrief people of nutrition.

Currently I’m working as research assistant of clinical trial project of diarrhea vaccine for children. Again, the job gives me opportunity to deal with community, especially children. It’s so thrilling thrilling to witness how children here are very prone to get sick. Not only diarrhea, but also pneumonia, hydrochele, severe malnutrition and congenital diseases are the only several cases mostly found. The trial is not even held in remote area, where proper health service is actually available, but the classic-complex reasons such as low level of parents education, traditional believes regarding babies health, low awareness of pertaining local health department are stillstill remain resp responsible towards the problems. It’s been so thrilling as the problems could’ve be actually been prevented as early as possible.

Through all these those engagements, I gradually found my passion to deal with health problem in community. It challenges me with various characteristic of local people and culture, analyse what their health problems and find best solution and preventive way for improving their health.

But practice is lacking without theory. This thought crossed my mind whenever I tried to implement what I have learned during my study to the community. My undergraduate study in Health Nutrition put more focus on clinical than community aspect. There were only few semesters enabling student to get to know further about public health. I therefore took part in some community-based researches and attended seminars to enrich my understanding about public health. Nevertheless, the more I studied the more I realized that only little I have known and there are a lot of things remain to learn. This feeling of insufficiency finally urged me to pursue a master degree in International Health at X University.

This is the only 2-years master program in Sweden that focuses not only to theory-based course but more intensively to problem based-course. It’s seen from its curriculum that encompasses wide sensitive issues of public/global health such as child health, reproductive health, global health program management and nutrition.

As my background is nutrition, I believe that the Global Nutrition course will broaden my understanding on that field in wider scope. I believe it will hone my ability to link up nutrition with other public health issues to define the most appropriate approaches for the health problems. In my previous study, I tended to focus on nutrition itself as the centre of the problems. In many situations, however, nutrition problems can be the only side effects of other bigger problems. Therefore it demands more thorough effective solutions than food related ones only.

Beyond that matter, studying in your institution offers me the opportunity to meet students from different countries and with different backgrounds. I can imagine myself participating in the class full of students coming from all over the world, putting head together to discuss and exchange information of health problems in our countries. The problem can’t belong to one country only. It would be trans-national problem that will be best addressed together.

Aside of studying in the program that matches my interest, its magnificent academic history is also a point that dragged my attention to X University. As one of the best leading universities in Sweden and home of 8 Nobel laureates as well as notable scientists such as Carolus Linnaeus and Anders Celcius, X University has proven its academic excellence among European and also worldwide universities, assures its students to get the most quality education. Typically for Swedish education system, the university focuses to transform theory into practical results which opportunely is then best way to apprehend public health knowledge. Furthermore, the university has wide research ranging from technology, medical to social science where each encompasses many more detailed issues that will help me to pick the most applicable research for my country. With those reasons altogether, I believe I have made the right decision to choose X University to pursue my desire in studying public health further.

After completing my study I will return to my country and continue working in the fields that contribute to child health and nutrition problems. It’s always my passion to involve with a job that allows me to deal directly with the problems and execute swift actions that give direct impact for the people. Last but not least, I also want to be lecturer who can encourage my juniors to do more commencing efforts in combating health and nutrition problems in my country. Certainly, in-depth theory understanding I gain from your university supported with experiences I earn in the place I’ll be working in will be a good asset that facilitates me to teach public health in comprehensive approach.

Given opportunity to study in X University, which to my knowledge is very competitive, I wholeheartedly will treasure it by diligently attending the classes, seminars and doing internship when it’s applicable. I do believe that my qualification, experiences and commitment will place me as dedicated students and competent graduate. I’d be honoured if you decide to accept my application.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Yours faithfully,