Please, review my motivation letter!

Hello Everybody!

I'm writing a Motivation Letter for a Master degree and I would like to ask you for your help.

I've scrutinized information about motivation letters. It helped me realize some of my weak points and arrange my letter. I would be very grateful if someone takes a look at my letter and gives me some advises to strengthen the letter.

Also I need to shorten it because the requirement is to "write 1 page at most". At present I have one and a third pages.

Thank you in advance!

MOTIVATION LETTER

Dear Sir or Madam



I am applying to a master program in ? Neuroscience with particular interest in clinical neuroscience starting in winter term 2012. My career ambition is to get PhD degree and work in an interdisciplinary team of neuroscience researchers in close collaboration with clinicians.



During my studies at A University I achieved a GPA of 4.6 out of a possible 5.0. In my graduate year I became the head of student scientific circle of neurology department. This helped me develop organization skills what I used successfully in organizing International conference in Current problems in child neurology for only two days (the person responsible for organization was taken to psychiatric clinic and company refused to continue without her).



Taking part in clinical research of new antiepileptic drug I taught essential stages to conduct researches. This resulted in article in journal of @@ and also taking part in Country’s student scientific conference.



After graduating from clinical residency in pediatric neurology I examined approximately 7900 patients for about 4 years. More than a half of these patients I got in Child Clinical Hospital where I worked as a consultant in neurology for 27 departments. I was keen to get extraordinary experience in diagnosis and treatment of rare diseases due to the fact that this hospital is the only where the illest children all over the Country with all pathology except cardiac diseases are treated. I was hard-working almost always leaving hospital late for two-four hours. I increased my knowledge and experience in neurology and in damage of CNS as a consequences of other diseases, because of wide range of differential diagnosis I should provide as much in other fields as in neurology.



For the first 3-4 months it was hard to persuade my colleagues to choose the way of diagnosis or treatment I offered due to my young age. However it was necessary because the way of treatment depended on my decisions sometimes. I succeed in upholding (persisting???) my opinion and later we worked in close collaboration and they never doubted in my knowledge. During my work I always built my relationships with doctors according to their professional qualities. Therefore I never experienced any troubles and tensions with people believed to be intolerant. Working as neurologist in private clinic focused primarily on examination of children of young age, I often met situations that they had psychological problems that led to behavior or sleep disorders. I should show parents their involvement in process of forming the disorder and explain that cure depends on quality of personal relationship with a child. The above listed help me to improve my communication skills (by speaking with patients and their parents and doctors). I have learnt not only listen but also hear people. Moreover, I acquire the ability asking questions and find answers.



Owing to work as EEG-technician, at present I am a doctor of Video-EEG-monitoring in laboratory of sleep and epilepsy for the second year. I have learnt to work with complex equipment, build various scenarios of procedure according to patient complaints and my anticipations, look for unconventional solutions, succeed in deciphering EEG-records of waking and sleep, assess various types of seizures and other paroxysmal disorders.



All my experience helped me to mature, understand the importance of being well educated in various areas, broad minded and courageous in order to succeed in science (my work). Also I have got a lot from books, visiting museums, meeting my friends, and sometimes walking that gives me opportunity to relax and think in quiet.



I like my work because I should always evolve not only in neurology but in other related fields. Now my clinical practice makes me ask some questions like why some patients with the same type of idiopathic epilepsies have a relapse while others do not, why there are different responses for treatment in opsoclonus-myoclonus syndrome, what is the limit of plasticity in child brain and factors determine it and others. Expanding my knowledge will help me better understand problems and consequently solve them more effectively in the future.



I want to study at Y University because of very active researches going on at your university in collaboration with other major research centers. Additionally, the program of X Neuroscience precisely fits my desire to get necessary theoretical background to pursue my research interests. I am confident that my previous experiences will add more diversity to your program.



Thank you for reviewing my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

Anastasia