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Anonymous Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Please review my Motivation Letter
Dear all
Could You please all give me some review and recommendation to make my motivation letter elligible to be accepted my the admission committe?
Many thanks
October 10, 2011
Admissions Office
Erasmus Mundus European Master on Advance on robotics
Dear Sir or Madam,
I would like to apply to your program Master of Engineering in Robotic for September 2012.
I have a great passion to be expert and apply my knowledge in the robotic realm since the rapid development of robotic realm and they can be applied in various fields lead them to be very useful for human life. In the military, robots are employed to assist people in the battle ground to send the supply, food and evacuate the toll, even they can be used to attack the enemy. Besides, in the health care robots was employed to serve human in hospitals such what the robots perform in Japan to bear the patient. All the application of robot in the daily life inspire to my ultimate goal to be able to discover a new thing in robotic which will contribute more particularly to the job where human cannot perform it.
Taking into account of the factor and the way how to realize my ultimate goal, I started to learn at Gadjah Mada University majoring in Physics Engineering particularly in Instrumentation Control and Robotics fields. I am aware that to become success, person required to have the soft skill and attitude as well as the hard skill and knowledge in their field so I device to learn about Instrumentation Control not only from the lecture but from the research engineering organization also.
I am a curious person that always intend to know and comprehend more than the lecturer explains in the class. I accustom to read and brush up the lesson and get together with my friend to discuss and create some small experiment. When I read the book after discussing with my friend, I got an idea. I envisaged to create the application on robotics. My first project that I created with my friend is Line follower robots. It is very hard for me and him since at that time we were in the first of our study in university. We attempt to break down what we should learn to realize the robots. We have encountered much failed; however it propel my desire to keep on trying. Finally, we can build our first project successfully.
While I am active in Campus as lab assistant and assistant teacher, I also attend to the organization activity which I can sharpen my knowledge in the field of robotics. I realized that I will get massive knowledge if I train and learn in particular area and gather with other students. Therefore I decided to involve in research engineering organization. I started to learn more about the robot particularly line follower robot. I have taken part many line follower robot competitions and succeeded being the member of UGM robot team for Indonesian artificial robot contest for building a robot seeking fire to extinguish it. My last accomplishment and experience while I joined the competition is being the third winner in the line follower competition.
My next step to achieve my dream is preparing to continue my master degree particularly in robotics. I have accomplished my undergraduate with cum laude predicate of 3,61 out of a possible 4.0 and continue to prepare English language to seek scholarship abroad.
In order to be expert in robotics, currently I am working on Japan multinational company in Yaskawa. This venture broaden my experience in the Industrial application for robotic and mechatronical industry. I have got many understanding regarding to the real application in Industry particularly robot for handling and moving heavy equipment, assembling, spot and arc welding, also for painting application.
I believe that I will succeed to reach my goal and contribute a new technology application in term of robotics since I have a strong background in the robotics field and the knowledge I will get through EMARO. My motivation and determination in the robotics will prove that I will be the great scientist who have succeeded to study in EMARO and invent the new robotics technology will be beneficial not only for the country but also for human world society.
If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for reviewing my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.
Yours truly,
Fahrudin Muna
Could You please all give me some review and recommendation to make my motivation letter elligible to be accepted my the admission committe?
Many thanks
October 10, 2011
Admissions Office
Erasmus Mundus European Master on Advance on robotics
Dear Sir or Madam,
I would like to apply to your program Master of Engineering in Robotic for September 2012.
I have a great passion to be expert and apply my knowledge in the robotic realm since the rapid development of robotic realm and they can be applied in various fields lead them to be very useful for human life. In the military, robots are employed to assist people in the battle ground to send the supply, food and evacuate the toll, even they can be used to attack the enemy. Besides, in the health care robots was employed to serve human in hospitals such what the robots perform in Japan to bear the patient. All the application of robot in the daily life inspire to my ultimate goal to be able to discover a new thing in robotic which will contribute more particularly to the job where human cannot perform it.
Taking into account of the factor and the way how to realize my ultimate goal, I started to learn at Gadjah Mada University majoring in Physics Engineering particularly in Instrumentation Control and Robotics fields. I am aware that to become success, person required to have the soft skill and attitude as well as the hard skill and knowledge in their field so I device to learn about Instrumentation Control not only from the lecture but from the research engineering organization also.
I am a curious person that always intend to know and comprehend more than the lecturer explains in the class. I accustom to read and brush up the lesson and get together with my friend to discuss and create some small experiment. When I read the book after discussing with my friend, I got an idea. I envisaged to create the application on robotics. My first project that I created with my friend is Line follower robots. It is very hard for me and him since at that time we were in the first of our study in university. We attempt to break down what we should learn to realize the robots. We have encountered much failed; however it propel my desire to keep on trying. Finally, we can build our first project successfully.
While I am active in Campus as lab assistant and assistant teacher, I also attend to the organization activity which I can sharpen my knowledge in the field of robotics. I realized that I will get massive knowledge if I train and learn in particular area and gather with other students. Therefore I decided to involve in research engineering organization. I started to learn more about the robot particularly line follower robot. I have taken part many line follower robot competitions and succeeded being the member of UGM robot team for Indonesian artificial robot contest for building a robot seeking fire to extinguish it. My last accomplishment and experience while I joined the competition is being the third winner in the line follower competition.
My next step to achieve my dream is preparing to continue my master degree particularly in robotics. I have accomplished my undergraduate with cum laude predicate of 3,61 out of a possible 4.0 and continue to prepare English language to seek scholarship abroad.
In order to be expert in robotics, currently I am working on Japan multinational company in Yaskawa. This venture broaden my experience in the Industrial application for robotic and mechatronical industry. I have got many understanding regarding to the real application in Industry particularly robot for handling and moving heavy equipment, assembling, spot and arc welding, also for painting application.
I believe that I will succeed to reach my goal and contribute a new technology application in term of robotics since I have a strong background in the robotics field and the knowledge I will get through EMARO. My motivation and determination in the robotics will prove that I will be the great scientist who have succeeded to study in EMARO and invent the new robotics technology will be beneficial not only for the country but also for human world society.
If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for reviewing my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.
Yours truly,
Fahrudin Muna
Top answer
I'm sorry to tell you this, but your English is very poor. For example, the first sentence in paragraph #2 has several ideas mixed together. Its structure is not logical or correct.
- I'm sorry to tell you this, but your English is very poor.
- For example, the first sentence in paragraph #2 has several ideas mixed together.
- Its structure is not logical or correct.
- After that sentence, I stopped reading your letter.
- A well-written sentence should have only one idea.
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1 Answers
0
I'm sorry to tell you this, but your English is very poor.
For example, the first sentence in paragraph #2 has several ideas mixed together.
Its structure is not logical or correct. After that sentence, I stopped reading your letter.
A well-written sentence should have only one idea.
Try to write your letter with very short sentences. Each sentenc
For example, the first sentence in paragraph #2 has several ideas mixed together.
Its structure is not logical or correct. After that sentence, I stopped reading your letter.
A well-written sentence should have only one idea.
Try to write your letter with very short sentences. Each sentenc
0
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