Please review my IELTSl line graph essay thank you so much

Question

The line graph illustrates the consumption of renewable energy in six countries over the course of 35 years.

Overall, there was an increase in the energy usage of the UK, the US, Germany, Denmark and France, with the US witnessing the most dramatic rise, It is also clear that Finland consistantly had by far the highest figure throught out the period, though a considerable decrease was seen in the middle of the period.

Just under 25% of the total energy was consumed on Finland in 1971, with a subsequent drop to nearly 17% between 1986 and 1991 and a final rise to roughly 23%. Similar changes was seen in the figures for Finland, France and Germany which drop simultaneously in 1986 before ending the period at 17%, 15% and 14% respectively.

the use of renewable resource in the US started at 3%, followed by a considerable increase to about 18%. Indentical changes, but to a lesser extent, was seen in the figure for the UK which increase steadily to 6% towards the end of the period

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Where did you find this task 1? The instructions are not good English. Use reputable sources for practice essays.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The line graph illustrates (Not a good word choice - read my advice.) the consumption (wrong word. The plot would show units of energy, e.g. BTU equivalents.) of renewable energy in six (Which countries?) countries over the course of 35 years. (Which years? 1940-1975? 1925-1960?)

You need to be much more accurate in describing the graph.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Overall, there was an increase in the energy usage (Maybe that is true, but that is NOT what is plotted on the graph.) of the UK, the US, Germany, Denmark and France, with the US witnessing (Poor word choice; read my advice.)the most dramatic rise, ~~It is also clear that~~ (Useless "filler" words. Delete) Finland consistantly had by far the highest figure (wrong word) throught out the period, (You have never told the reader what "the period' is. Poor coherence and cohesion.) though a considerable decrease was seen in the middle of the period.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Just under 25% of the total energy (Incorrect. What other country used the remaining 75%?) was consumed on (wrong word) Finland in 1971, (Where is 1971 in the period? You never wrote the years of the period.) with a subsequent drop to ~~nearly~~ (wrong usage) about / just under 17% between 1986 and 1991 and a final rise to roughly 23%. Similar changes was (wrong form) seen in the figures (wrong word) for Finland, (Is Finland similar to Finland? IT's the same country. That makes no sense.) France and Germany which drop simultaneously in 1986 before ending the period at 17%, 15% and 14% respectively.

the use of renewable resource (wrong word) in the US started (What year? ) at 3%, followed by a considerable increase to about 18%. Indentical (wrong spelling) changes, but to a lesser extent, (Identical means precisely, exactly the same. The values cannot be "identical" and " a lesser extent " at the same time. ) was seen in the figure (wrong word) for the UK which increase steadily to 6% towards the end of the period

You did not specify the time period, so the reader is confused.
You never mentioned the units of measure in the opening paragraph.

If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one. But read my advice about misusing the words "figure" and "witness".

Please review my IELTSl line graph essay thank you so much

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