Please review my IELTS WRITNG TASK 2

Hello teacher, my name is Vivian and I am currently a student. I am going to take the IELTS exam in November and here is my IELTS WRITNG TASK 2 essay. I study Writing skill by myself so wonder a lot about how I did in this text. I hope you can help me to identify my mistakes. Thank you so much. Love you!

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The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Face-to-face communication between many individuals in life seems to be replaced by some online activities. This essay will argue that the benefits of web-based conversation offset the drawbacks entailed by this state of affairs, as online interaction is faster and easier when compared to meeting people directly.

One commonly cited disadvantage of online interaction is that it places a greater strain on the mental health of people. This is because when we do everything on the online platform from chatting with friends to updating our status, we will increasingly close ourselves and not wanting to communicate verbally with people around us. For example, children under 5 years old playing video games too much are more likely to have autism than those who explore the world around them with their senses.

Despite this, there are several significant benefits to having online interaction. First of all, social media helps us know exactly and immediately what happened to each other. For instance, through Facebook or Twitter posts, we can know how the stock price was today, which team was the winner of the last match in the World Cup.

Furthermore, web-based conversation also has social benefits, as we can talk to others without meeting their face directly. For example, when we need help from a friend but are not allowed to leave home because of the social distancing regulations due to the Covid-19 pandemic, we can contact them through some social networking platform such as Instagram and they will assist our problems.

In conclusion, although there are drawbacks to accessing the internet and having online interaction, it is clear that social media can make a significant contribution to our life by making our conversations easier. On balance, I would argue that having non-face-to-face communication is beneficial to any individual.