Please review my ielts writitng

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a sharp increase in the number of people attending university. Some people argue that the aim of university education is to help graduates get more job opportunities, while I partly agree with this idea I still believe that this also widens benefits for both individuals and society.

On the one hand, it is obvious that going to the university will enable students to get better jobs. First of all, high level of education will create for students a good theoretical background, which will provide them invaluable knowledge enabling them to reach the zenith in their career paths in the long run. However, without the university education, hardly can job-seekers find a wealthy job since no company wants to employ people who are inexperienced and have little knowledge about their jobs. Additionally, with the aim of adapting well to the quickly social and economic changes nowadays, it is especially important that students go to universities to gain more knowledge. To specify, they will help people to catch up with the advanced technology, marketplace, and economic changes so as not to be inferior to others.

On the other hand, university education also is advantageous to both individuals and society. One its great benefits to students are larger friend circles. It is widely believed that acquaintances are a decisive factor to people’s success. Thanks to this, they are likely to have satisfactory jobs with a high income, leading to the great dedication to their motherland. Furthermore, having a high salary means that people will gain higher social positions, followed by being respected by others.

To sum up, the benefits of pursuing high education to graduates as well as both individuals and society are equally important.