Please review my IELTS Writing task 2. Thanks in advance

Question

Topic: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctors.Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?My essay:In recent times, medical professionals are being treated more and more as a last resort, as sick and injured people are increasingly avoiding them in favor of other methods of treatment. Personally. I wholeheartedly disagree with this approach.In my opinion, health must always be at the top of the priority list. Even with the vast amount of information we can access through the internet, we are not well-educated enough to make diagnoses on ourselves. Just ask any of your friends who study medicine; it takes roughly a decade for someone to be recognized as a professional doctor, the process of which is extremely rigorous and demanding. The skills and knowledge they have acquired in that period allow them to make more accurate and sophisticated assessments of their patients, things that would otherwise go unnoticed. I could personally recall many stories about people's lives being saved thanks to an early diagnosis of just a common symptom.One other reason for people to avoid seeing doctors is the cost involved. Whatever the case, no cost should be too much for your health and safety, in my opinion. Additionally, by choosing unprofessional approaches to treat your health problems, there is a risk of worsening your condition, which only serves to inflate your medical bills. Visiting a doctor and resolving all your health problems so you can move on with your life is, more often than not, the best option in terms of finances, since the cost of having to deal with a recurring sickness, which significantly reduces your working productivity, is immeasurable.One's own personal health should always be one's first consideration. Therefore, even though there are always other alternatives to treat your problems, nothing can be as reliable and certain as seeing the doctors themself.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Another humanDo you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Did you clearly answer the question?

I cannot find it.

The clearer your answer, and the easier it is for an examiner to find, the more favorably they will treat your answer.

Here is a better introduction:

These days, there is a lot of medical advice to be found on the internet, and it ranges from pure quackery to sound medical advice. People who are suffering from ongoing chronic health conditions such as arthritis and migraine headaches can get so dissatisfied with their family doctor's advice that they resort to unproven alternatives such as herbal teas, substances from endangered animals, and homeopathy. In my view, this is a very negative development.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

In recent times, medical professionals are being treated more and more as a last resort, (That is off--base. It is not the situation described.) as sick and injured (Off-topic - these are short-term conditions. The topic is about long-term conditions. The key words are "people with health problems" It implies that it is not like falling down the stairs and breaking a leg. It is a chronic condition such as asthma, migraine headaches, allergies, anorexia in women and impotency in men. ) people are increasingly avoiding them in favor of other methods of treatment. Personally. I wholeheartedly disagree with this approach. (That is not an answer to the prompt.)

~~In my opinion,~~ (Do not write your thesis in the body paragraphs. The body paragraphs are for your supporting arguments.) health must always be at the top of the priority list. Even with the vast amount of information we can access through the internet, we are not well-educated enough to make diagnoses on ourselves. Just ask any of your friends who study medicine; it takes roughly a decade for someone to be recognized as a professional doctor. ~~, the process of which~~ The training is extremely rigorous and demanding. The skills and knowledge they have acquired ~~in that period~~ allow them to make more accurate and sophisticated assessments of their patients, things that would otherwise go unnoticed. I could personally recall many stories about people's lives being saved thanks to an early diagnosis of just a common symptom.

One other reason for people to avoid seeing doctors is the cost involved. Whatever the case, no cost should be too much for your health and safety., ~~in my opinion.~~ Additionally, by choosing unprofessional approaches to treat your health problems, there is a risk of worsening your condition, which only serves to inflate your medical bills. Visiting a doctor and resolving all your health problems so you can move on with your life is, (The topic is conditions that are treatable, but not curable. ) more often than not, the best option in terms of finances, since the cost of having to deal with a recurring sickness, which significantly reduces your working productivity, is immeasurable.

One's own personal health should always be one's first consideration. Therefore, even though there are always other alternatives to treat your problems, nothing can be as reliable and certain as seeing the doctors themself. (wrong form)

Please review my IELTS Writing task 2. Thanks in advance

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