Please review my IELTS Writing Task 2. Thanks a lot.

Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries,

shops and on public transport.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Essay:

Many people argue that using mobile phones in all public areas should not be an acceptable behavior. Personally, I partly concur with this opinion.

The most fundamental reason why we had better not use our phones in public places is discouraging real interaction. The public places are obviously where people are likely to engage face-to-face with each other. Nevertheless, in the age of cutting-edge and versatile phones, people addicted to using smartphones tend to only pay attention to applications or contents in their own devices, regardless of the presence of many people around them. For instance, in Vietnam, a multitude of youngsters only depend on how good-looking backgrounds are to determine destinations to hang out. The primary culprit for this matter is that their purposes are only about vivid photos taken by smartphones and posted on social media to beautify their virtual accounts. The conversations about life, work or study are not their priority.

Apart from the practical advantage expressed above, I believe that this rule also exists several downsides and the most adverse drawback relates to work. As working via emails or social networks is increasingly thriving worldwide, smartphones play an indispensable role in each individual’s businesses. To illustrate, in this day and age, numerous people rely on smartphone applications such as Facebook page or Uber (a ride-haling application) to earn a good living. If they are not allowed to use their phones when needed, their income will be negatively affected, which could breed not only the spike in poverty rate but also national economic downturn.

In conclusion, despite a positive impact on society, I hold the opinion that this rule also leads to adverse influences on the public.