Please review my IELTS writing Task 2. Thank you so much

TOPIC: Some people believe that employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress, but the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree to this belief?

Essay:

It is a common belief that the boss should not be covered about their employee outfits rather than the quality of their work. From my perspective, I partly advocate with this view for several benefits, I also think that it is not suitable for some properties of jobs of companies.

On the one hand, if underlings are casually dressed or put on clothes which they want, they can get comfortable and happier at their work. As a consequence, they will work dedicatedly and create breakthrough ideas; this leads to making a huge profit for the company. The people, by contrast, who be rigorously overseen about their clothes from the boss will not be free and this impacts their work productivity. According to technology companies like Google and Facebook are famous for their relaxed dress codes for the purpose of creating an informal, fun, and creative environment for their employees.

Nevertheless, the style of employees should not be concerned with employers, but the efficiency of their work has certain downsides. The clothes of scientists, doctors, or teachers have to be more important for their outside helps them to receive the trust of everyone. In addition, as they are the face of science as well as education, their dress codes are the key to showing their character and prestige. In Vietnam, for example, teachers who wear Ao dai in schools not only represent the standard ideal woman, but it also expresses love and tolerance on students. As appose to wearing disorderly or informal clothes, parents surely don’t take their children for these teachers.

In conclusion, albeit I partially support the view that the employers should not be cared about employees’ outfits, but their work productivity for advantageous, it has also myriad drawbacks.