Please Review my IELTS Writing Task 2. Thank you a lot.

In today's society, many recruiters think that it is essential to recruit employees possessing scholastic qualifications rather than having life experience or personalities. In my opinion, There are a variety of reasons for this trend which has both positive and negative effects.
There are two factors to explain why employers would like to rent workers possessing university qualifications instead of those having real-life experience. Firstly, recruiting people who studied professional knowledge in university education might have access to tasks in work easier and quicker. This might help companies save their budget and their time in training new workers. Secondly, there were strong arguments about promotion in career between qualified staff and unqualified staff if they have the same performance in work. My cousin is a point in case. While she was studying in grade 11, she dropped out of school and decided to work manual jobs at an assembly plant. 2 years later, despite her achievement and characteristics as hard-working, she failed to get a promotion for the manager's position compared to a qualified colleague.
There are some positive and negative effects to the trend is that employers should look for people pursuing tertiary education instead of those who have hands-on experience. This trend encourages young people to try to study hard to enter the top university so that they receive a prestigious degree. On the other hand, the drawback of this trend is that some companies might ignore good workers if they just look for employees who possess qualifications.
In conclusion, as reasons mentioned above, it is both beneficial and detrimental developments for the way that recruiters prefer to choose employees possessing formal academic qualifications rather than having life experience or personal qualities.