Please review my Ielts writing task 2, is it enouth for 6.0 Band

Topic:

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous promblems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest that govermetns and individuals can tackle these promblems.

Essay:

It is true that the remarkable spike in population in urban areas has led to a great deal of issues. There are a number of factors behind this phenomenon and several polutions should be adopted to cope with the problems.

There are two main problems can be easily recognized. Firstly, the environment will be destroyed day by day. The more rapid in the increase of population, the higher people’s demands are. So that a lot of trees, water,animals,… will be used to meet the needs. Another problem is the quality of education. In China, where the birth rate is ranked as first place in the world, the number of youngsters not in school are growing significantly . When the education is not secured for every child, a huge impact on economy and many other respects of an area or even a country will appear.

Since such issues are extremely serious, the governments and individuals have to take steps immediately to address these problems. The first solution would be reducing birth rate. For example, in Vietnam, every family only has one to two children to ensure stable upbringing and chances to go to school for them. For this reason, there is a wide range of geniuses were born here, which helps Vietnam to be a developing country in Asia. This method is reasonable, thus, the government can consider it as a national law. A second measure would be running green campaigns, which will partly improve consciousness of people. Nowadays, in a couple of countries, a multitude of well-known coffee shops started replacing plastic straws by paper straws. It is not surprised that this trend is spearding all around the world and plastic-free really became a way of life of many people.

In short, there are various negative consequences of overpopulation and appropriate steps need to be tanken to deal with these issues, not only by the governments but also by individuals.