Please review my IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay

Topic: People have to spend more and more time away from their home. What are the reasons? What are the effects of this?

Essay:

In today’s modernized society, people tend to set aside less time for their family members. This ongoing trend is attributed to numerous reasons, and it exerts visible impacts on society, in both positive and negative ways.

One of the main reasons associates with today’s globalization, which results in greater population mobility. It is increasingly common for young people to seek new challenges and opportunities at far-flung locations; for instance, students may sacrifice their time with family and easier commute to attend a renowned university that is extensively distant from their home. Additionally, globalization leads to teenagers being exposed to various cultures, one of which is Western culture – where the vast majority of citizens pursue an individualistic lifestyle and live independently from their parents. Consequently, young people perceive this as their future lifestyle and will likely emulate their role models.

As far as impacts are concerned, there are both benefits and setbacks on different levels. On the one hand, it encourages potential young adults to be mentally and financially independent at an earlier age. Sooner or later, this generation will mature and become highly responsible, innovative, and productive human beings, which facilitates a positive developmental progression of this society as a whole. On the other hand, the family structure is believed to be driven to the verge of collapse as people drift apart from their nest. As such, rarely can Vietnamese people working and studying distantly attend family gatherings frequently, unless it is Lunar New Year. Subsequently, the bond between members is shattered, possibly leading to family breakdown or severe issues such as domestic violence and conflicts. In addition, young adults who do not receive proper guidance and education from parents are at risk of being rebellious, ruthless, and reckless, thus increases the rate of juvenile delinquency.

In conclusion, several reasons are to blame for the plummet in time family members spent with each other. From my perspective, significant influences of this phenomenon on an individual and social level are unavoidable.