Please Review My IELTS Writing task 2

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Some people are of the opinion that it should be compulsory for banning students from using their phones at school. While others contend the opposite that children should have permission to use their phones. I believe that this idea both has positive and negative consequences, but i still suppose that adults should not force students to not use their phones.
One major advantage of prohibiting students to use their phones during the school day is heightening the ability of focus among students. Because of the development of entertainment ranging from movies, music to games and comics, the phone has been regarded as the key factor distracting students from studying. However, it is necessary for students to have their phones in some cases of emergency. If some students have personal problems such as psychological injury from bullying , they will rather to talk to their parents first rather than teachers. Therefore, having phones can ensure the safety of students to some extent.
Despite the aforementioned benefits of forbidding students from using phones, i still think bringing phones with them can have some advantages. Firstly, students can easily access any sources of information, especially in the self-study lessons. This can result in enriching the knowledge of students and also stimulating their curiosity to learn more. Furthermore, some appliances can encourage students to be more creative and dynamic such as drawing, video editing, and music producing. Those functions can be served better by modern technology rather than by their teachers.
In conclusion, it seems to me that even though using phones could have both drawbacks and benefits, I suppose that allowing children to use their phones still offers more distinct advantages.