Please review my IELTS writing task 2

Hello,

The following is my IELTS writing task 2. I've managed to finish it but I don't know whether it is good or bad. Could you please help me to review it?\

Thank you very much!

Question:

Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations?

Essay:

Students often have two main options of accommodation when they study at a university: living with their families or living away from families due to long distance to schools. The two options have its own benefits and drawbacks.

When shifting study environment, staying with families has some obvious benefits. First, students who stay with their families tend to not be anxious about living costs, therefore they can only focus on their study. According to a report of a study published in ABC magazine, a significant proportion of students living with their families or relatives during the period of their studying obtain outstanding grades. Second, living a same house with other family members help students release their stress in life. In case of failing a subject, for instance, students can talk to their parents and receive advice directly and immediately. Apparently, these are motivating forces to help them feel much better. However, there are some drawbacks, such as students who live with their families are likely to not have some essential skills for their independent life. Many students don’t know how to manage money or do housework because their parents or relatives care these for them. Consequently, they would have many difficulties when live independently.

On the other hand, students who have to live far away from their families tend to be more self-reliant in thinking and making a decision. They resort to learning a lot of skills such as social skills, budget management skills, and decision making skills to adapt to new life without their parents’ guidance. The fact that more than 50% of successful businessmen don’t live with their parents during their study shows that an independent life help students more mature. In contrast, starting a new life of study without parents’ observation might cause some negative consequences. Beginning a new life far away from families can put students at greater risk of offending. For example, some thieves arrested by police officers who are college students admits that they don’t have enough money to make ends meet that why they steal from other people.

In conclusion, the concentration on study and to be shared thoughts are the main advantages of living with families when students study at universities, but it also have disadvantages such as the lack of some essential skills for life. Similarly, a life without parents nearby has its own benefits and drawbacks such as mature in thinking and risks of crime.