Please review my IELTS writing task 1. Thank you so much!

Question

The graph compares the percentage of the travel of global tourists in the eight countries over the period of 2 years, 2009 and 2010.

It is clear that there was an increasing number of foreign visitor in those areas mentioned, while France didn’t make any changes in those figures

In terms of traveling, the increasing proportion was spent the highest in Germany, at around 109%, with a surge of 11 millions people to 23 million. The expenditure by people in Turkey and China in this category also had a significant development ( at around 33% and 55% respectively).

In France, numbers were unchanged at 76 millions tourists in both years. Tourist visits to the UK increased by double that rate (3.6%) and overtook Spain in 2010 by 1 million dollars. The United States saw an increasing number by 1.5% and followed by Spain with 1.8%. In 2010, the Italia witnessed a slow development (for 2,3%) and have the same number of people visited to as Turkey (45 millions people)

Tâm

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Your essay has many errors. You seem to be very confused about the contents of this table.
If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one.

The graph (wrong word. This is NOT a graph.) compares the percentage of the travel (incorrect. That is not what is in the table) of global tourists in ~~the~~ eight countries in each of the two over the period of (incorrect. The data is calculated for each year separately. ) 2 years, 2009 and 2010.

~~It is clear that~~ (Delete. Do not use these dummy-it clauses. Read my advice.) there was an increasing number of foreign visitor (Only one visitor?) in those areas mentioned, (You did not mention even one of them.) while France didn’t (Do not use contractions in your essays.) make any changes in those figures

(wrong word. Also, it is not a proper statement. France did not create these numbers. France cannot change anything. )

~~In terms of traveling,~~ the increasing proportion (wrong word.) was spent (Wrong word. There is no money or time here. We spend money. We spend time.) the highest in Germany, at around 109%, with a surge (Read my advice. Do not use "drama" words in Task 1.) of 11 millions (wrong form) people to 23 million. The expenditure (There is no money being spent.) by people in Turkey and China (incorrect report. The data is not about people in these countries. ) in this category (There are no categories in the table.) also had a significant percentage increase ~~development~~ ( at around 33% and 55% respectively).

In France, numbers were unchanged at 76 millions (wrong form. We write 76 million tourists.)tourists in both years. Tourist visits to the UK increased by double that rate (wrong word. There are no rates in the table. Also, if you double the value 0 - the percentage change in France - , you still get 0. You do not get 3.6% ) (3.6%) and overtook Spain in 2010 by 1 million dollars. (There is no money in the table.) The United States ~~saw~~ (Countries do not have eyes. ) had an increasing number by 1.5% and followed by Spain with 1.8%. In 2010, the Italia (wrong word - The country is Italy. ) witnessed (wrong word) a slow development (not a good phrase here.) (for 2,3%) and have (Do not mix present tense and past tense. Use the same tense in the entire essay.) the same number of people visiting ~~visited to~~ as Turkey (45 millions people)

Please review my IELTS writing task 1. Thank you so much!

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