Please review my ielts writing task 1. Thank you

Question

The diagrams show changes to a medical centre from 2008 to 2010.

The maps illustrate the changes taking place in the layout of a medical center between 2008 and 2010.

Overall, the center underwent slight changes with five additional rooms serving various purposes.

Once entering the waiting room through the main entrance, a reception area was straight ahead, situated in front of a staff office. To the left-hand side of this room, a new area was opened for an education room and a mother and child room in 2010, directly opposite the pre-existing laboratory on the other side.

Moving to the corridor from the waiting room, there was a treatment room in the west and three doctor's offices in the north in 2008. By 2010, the corridor had been extended east and connected to the laboratory, with another doctor's office and a store room constructed east of the previous doctor's offices while a pharmacy built on the opposite side across the corridor.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The maps (This is not a map. It is a sketch, a diagram or a layout) illustrate the changes taking (wrong verb form. The changes have been completed) place in ~~the layout of~~ a medical center between 2008 and 2010.

Overall, the center underwent a

Overall, the center underwent a major expansion ~~slight changes~~ with ~~five~~ (be more specific). two additional doctors' offices, a pharmacy, a store room, an education room and a mother and child room. ~~additional rooms serving various purposes.~~

Once entering the waiting room (I have no idea if the entrance is on the east, west or north side of the building. This is vague an imprecise.) through the main entrance, a reception area was straight ahead, situated in front of a staff office. To the left-hand side of this room, a new area was opened for an education room and a mother and child room in 2010, directly opposite the pre-existing laboratory on the other side.

Moving to the corridor from the waiting room, there was a treatment room in the west and three doctor's offices in the north in 2008. By 2010, the corridor had been extended east and connected to the laboratory, with another doctor's office and a store room constructed east of the previous doctor's offices while a pharmacy built on the opposite side across the corridor.

It has little cohesion and coherence. I cannot visualize this medical centre.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay (170 words)

The two sketches illustrate the changes which have taken place in a medical center between 2008 and 2010.

Overall, the center underwent a major expansion adding two doctors' offices, a pharmacy, a store room, an education room and a mother and child room.

In 2008, patients entered the building on the south side through the main entrance to a waiting room with a reception desk straight ahead and a laboratory through a doorway to the right. Access to the three doctor's offices and a treatment room was through a door to the left of reception which opened on a long east-west corridor. There was a staff office behind the reception desk along this corridor. In the 2010 building, most of the rooms have not changed. There is a new area off the waiting room opposite the laboratory, which has a mother and child room and education room. Along the corridor, there are now five doctor's offices, the old treatment room, a new store room. and pharmacy.

Please review my ielts writing task 1. Thank you

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