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Hà Yên Posted 4 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please review my Ielts writing task 1 and get score. Thanks a lot

TOPIC: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1RwQYCELyNlCasau0LQof4v2GpUkx8Ytr/view?usp=sharing


The two pie charts depict the use of energy by an average Australia household and emissions of greenhouse from this use respectively.

Overall, it can be clearly seen that while the highest energy consumption are heating and water heating, most greenhouse gas emissions result from water heating and other appliances.

According to the two charts, the percentage of heating use is the highest, over two-fifths, but only cause 15% of the total released gas. Followed by that of water heating, account for a third, hence leading to 32% of gas emissions.

On the contrary, at the bottom position is the percentage of cooling consumption, at only 2%, result in an inconsiderable harmful gas. Strikingly, the use of other appliances is only less than a fifth, but the proportion of pollutants it causes up to a quarter. Likewise, while refrigeration only requires 7% of total uses, its effect on greenhouse gas exactly double proportion.

  

Top answer

The two pie charts depict the use of energy by an average Australia household and emissions of greenhouse gases from this us e, respectively. Overall, [ 1] it can be clearly seen that while the highest energy consumption [ 2] is for are heating and water heating, most greenhouse gas emissions result from water heating and other appliances. -------------------------- [ 1]: This is a summary task.

  • The two pie charts depict the use of energy by an average Australia household and emissions of greenhouse gases from this us e, respectively.
  • Overall, [ 1] it can be clearly seen that while the highest energy consumption [ 2] is for are heating and water heating, most greenhouse gas emissions result from water heating and other appliances.
  • -------------------------- [ 1]: This is a summary task.
  • Do not waste text on fillers like that.
  • [ 2]: “consumption” is singular.
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The two pie charts depict the use of energy by an average Australia household and emissions of greenhouse gases from this use, respectively.

Overall, [ 1] it can be clearly seen that while the highest energy consumption [ 2] is for

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