Please Review My IELTS Writing Task 1.
My essay:
The diagram illustrates the process of handling rainwater into fresh water in order to serve for the water consumption of each household in an Australia town.
Overall, there are five stages of changing from rainwater to drinking water. Particularly, collectting rainwater through drains is the first step and distributing fresh water into each household is the last step.
In detail, first, the rainwater flows down pipes which are connected from household’s roofs to a common drain that is buried underground. Then, water is treated for the first time by being filtered through a core. Next, through water filter, water continue flowing into a big container to store. After, water from storage tank flows along a pipe into other one, which has chemicals on the top of it in order to clean the water for the second. Finally, treated water is distribute into each house in town according to pipes to serve for their activities.
Top answer
The diagram illustrates the process of handling rainwater into (handling into" is not a natural expression) fresh water in order to serve for the water consumption (unnatural) of each household in an Australia town. Here are much more natural English opening paragraphs: The diagram illustrates the process of gathering, storing and filtering rainwater to provide potable water for each household in an Australia town. This one is much better: The diagram illustrates how an Australian town uses rainwater as the source for its municipal water supply.
- The diagram illustrates the process of handling rainwater into (handling into" is not a natural expression) fresh water in order to serve for the water consumption (unnatural) of each household in an Australia town.
- Here are much more natural English opening paragraphs: The diagram illustrates the process of gathering, storing and filtering rainwater to provide potable water for each household in an Australia town.
- This one is much better: The diagram illustrates how an Australian town uses rainwater as the source for its municipal water supply.
- Overall, there are five stages of changing from converting rainwater into drinking water.
- Particularly , collectting (wrong spelling) rainwater through drains is the first step and distributing fresh water to into each house / home / residence is the last step.
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The diagram illustrates the process of handling rainwater into (handling into" is not a natural expression) fresh water in order to serve for the water consumption (unnatural) of each household in an Australia town.
Here are much
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