Please review my IELTS Writing Task 1

Question

Topic: The graph below shows UK acid rain emissions, measured in millions of tones, from four different sectors between 1990 and 2007.Answer:The line graph compares how much acid rain emissions emitted by four industrial sectors in the UK from 1990 to 2007. Overall, the total of acid rain emissions remarkably reduced during the given period. The most dramatic reduction in emissions was witnessed in the electricity, gas and water supply sector.In 1990, contributing over 3.25 million tonnes of acid rain emissions, the electricity, gas and water supply sector took up the majority of the amount of the emissions. This was roughly seven times as much as that of domestic and transport and communication sectors, at around 0.7 million tonnes. Other industries produced approximately 2 million tonnes, which was 1.25 million tonnes lower than that of the electricity, gas and water supply sector.In the following 17 years, while acid rain emissions from the transportation and communication industry varied slightly and reached a peak of 1 tonnes in 2005, that from the remaining sectors saw a substantial reduction. The emissions produced by the domestic sector and other industries, halved to 0.25 million tonnes and 1.25 million tonnes respectively, whereas that by the electricity, gas and water supply sector fell dramatically by 2.75 million tonnes to 0.5 million tonnes in 2007.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Please read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

kiniem066remaining sectors saw a substantial reduction.

Sectors do not have eyes. They do not see things like animals do.

Anonymous · Answer

kiniem066acid rain

This does not make sense. You can instead talk about rainfall.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The line graph compares how much acid rain emissions emitted (wrong verb form) by four industrial sectors (Incorrect reporting. "Domestic" is not "industrial". What were these four sectors?) in the UK from 1990 to 2007. (Incomplete. What are these four sectors?)

Overall, th

Overall, the total of acid rain emissions remarkably (Not a good word choice. Remarkable is an opinion word.) reduced during the given (unnatural) period. The most dramatic reduction in emissions was witnessed (wrong verb. Sectors do not have eyes or ears. They cannot witness anything. Read my advice about verbs for Task 1 essays.) in the electricity, gas and water supply (synonym - (Public) Utilities) sector.

In 1990, contributing over 3.25 million tonnes of acid rain emissions, the electricity, gas and water supply sector took up (wrong verb) the majority ~~of the amount~~ of the emissions. This was roughly seven times as much as that of domestic and transport and communication sectors, at around 0.7 million tonnes. Other industries produced approximately 2 million tonnes, which was 1.25 million tonnes lower than that of the electricity, gas and water supply sector.

In the following 17 years, while acid rain emissions from the transportation and communication industry varied slightly and reached a peak of 1 tonnes in 2005, that from the remaining sectors saw (wrong verb. Sectors do not have eyes. They cannot see, hear or experience anything. Read my advice about verbs for Task 1 essays.) a substantial reduction. The emissions produced by the domestic sector and other industries, halved to 0.25 million tonnes and 1.25 million tonnes respectively, whereas that by the electricity, gas and water supply sector fell dramatically (Do not use "drama" words in Task 1 It is for a math/science context.) by 2.75 million tonnes to 0.5 million tonnes in 2007.

You have a lot of repetition. If you want a higher band score, you need to do more data analysis, not just copying values from the graph to your essay. I will add a sample essay to demonstrate this.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays (structure, vocabulary, website sources )

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

A "secret trick" for Task 1: define short names and abbreviations you will use in the body paragraphs in the first paragraph.

Then your essay will not be so tediously repetitive. In this case, four words - "electricity, gas and water supply" - gets a one-word replacement: utilities, and the units get the common abbreviation "Mt".

Also, there are combinations and proportions to give the "big picture." The utilities caused about half the emissions in 1990, but only 1/6 in 2007.

The writing style is completely scientific and mathematical, suited for a university math lecturer.
There are no human action verbs "see", "witness" or "experience." Numbers, time periods, sectors, and other inanimate nouns cannot perform these actions. Some IELTS advisors use these words, but they are used for newspaper accounts, fiction, and historical novels, not for science and math university lecturers.

Outline:
Paragraph 1: Describe all aspects of the graph- time period, number and names of curves and units of measure.

Paragraph 2: Pick 2-3 "main features" - the things that "jump out" to you.

Paragraph 3: Pick some interesting details for comparisons. Combine categories where possible.

The graph compares the emissions of acid rain from four sectors in the UK between 1990 and 2007. The sectors are the utilities (electric, gas and water), transportation (including communications), domestic (households), and all other industries. Values are given in units of millions of tonnes (Mt).

Overall, total emissions declined substantially over the period due to reductions in all sectors except transportation, which was about the same level at the end as the beginning. Utilities was the worst emitter in 1990 but it had fallen to third place in 2007, after other industries and transportation. Households contributed the lowest amounts.

In detail, the total emissions in 1990 was nearly 7 Mt, and about half of that (3.4 Mt) was from the utilities sector. In contrast, it was just under 3 Mt in 2007, with other industries being the highest contributor at 1.2 Mt. The most significant decrease was in the utilities sector, which had cut its emissions by more than two thirds, from 3.4 to 1 Mt between 1990 and 1999 and halved again, to 0.5 Mt by 2007. The amounts from transportation ranged between 0.6 and 1.0 Mt, and households showed a fairly steady decline from 0.6 to 0.2 Mt.

Please review my IELTS Writing Task 1

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