Please review my IELTS writing task 1

Question

The line graphs give information about the percentage of electrical appliances owned and the time each family spent on housework in a particular country from 1920 to 2019.

In general, a large percentage of electrical devices were bought through the period shown while there was a downward trend can be seen in the household chores time.

In 1920, the proportion of families owned refrigerators was only about 4%, compared to the higher figure for vacuum cleaners and washing machines, at 30% and 40% respectively. In the next 40 years, the number of refrigerators went up nine times and reached 100% in 1980 then leveled off until 2019. In terms of the rest of the household appliances, there was a moderate increase in both devices. However, a slight drop was observed in the percentage of households with washing machines in 1980, the figure for vacuum cleaners still climbed to the maximum number at 100% and unchanged in the last 10 years.

Looking at the time for housework, in the first year each family took 50 hours per week to do household chores and the amount of time fell considerably (by 30 hours per week) in the following two decades, then went down marginally from that time to the end of the period, at just above 10 hours every week.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line graphs give information about (Vague. What is on the graph?) the percentage of electrical appliances (A percentage of an appliance does not make sense. What is half of a vacuum cleaner?) owned and the time each family spent on housework in a particular country from 1920 to 2019.

In general, a large percentage of electrical devices were bought (That does not make sense. ) through the period shown while there was a downward trend can be seen in the household chores time. (unnatural phrase)

In 1920, the proportion of families owned (ungrammatical) refrigerators was only about 4%, compared to the higher figure for vacuum cleaners and washing machines, at 30% and 40% respectively. In the next 40 years, the number (wrong word. A number is 23,876 or 2,876,722. The graph does not plot any numbers. You have no idea how many were sold or bought.) of refrigerators went up nine times (That means there were 9 years where the value increased. That is not what you want to say.) and reached 100% in 1980 then leveled off until 2019. In terms of the rest of the household appliances, (The reader is confused. What appliances are you writing about? Microwave ovens? Toasters? Irons?) there was a moderate increase in both devices. However, a slight drop was observed in the percentage of households with washing machines in 1980, the figure (wrong usage - read my advice) for vacuum cleaners still climbed to the maximum number at 100% and unchanged in the last 10 years.

Looking at the time for housework, in the first year each family took 50 hours per week to do household chores and the amount of time fell considerably (by 30 hours per week) in the following two decades, then went down marginally from that time to the end of the period, at just above 10 hours every week.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay

Paragraph #1: Describe the graphs completely. This sets the basis for cohesion and coherence through the essay.

The first line graph plots the percentage of homes which have a labor-saving household appliance in a particular country between 1920 and 2019. Data for three appliances are plotted, refrigerator, vacuum cleaner and washing machine. The second graph gives the average amount of time spent weekly on common household chores during the same period.

Paragraph #2: State two or three main features; the most important things you see in the information presented.

Overall, these appliances all became more common, especially vacuum cleaners and refrigerators. There is a very strong negative correlation between the percentage of homes with a refrigerator and the number of hours devoted to household chores.

Paragraph #3. Give some of the important details. Focus on comparisons, as in the instructions.

In detail, practically no house had a refrigerator in 1920, but one was present in every home by 1980. About three in ten homes had a vacuum cleaner in 1920, and this also increased to every home by 2000. Washing machines were less prevalent, starting out with the highest ownership of the three, 40%, in 1920, but it never reached 100%, its maximum value being about three-quarters of the homes. As more and more households owned these appliances, less and less time was spent on chores. The number of hours per week dropped by 80%, from 50 to 10 hours per week.

Please review my IELTS writing task 1

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions