Please review my Ielts writing task 1

Question

A survey was conducted for the places in which people gain access to the Internet from 1998 to 2004.My essay: Four surveys were conducted in 1998, 2000, 2002 and 2004 asking people which of four locations (home, work, college, and a library) they used to connect to the Internet. The bar chart plots the percentages of responders by location and year.Overall, the percentages of respondents who used the internet at work and college fell over these six years. By contrast, the patterns for home and library were almost the opposite. In detail, the home had the highest percentages; more than half of the responders accessed the internet at home, with the exception of 2000, dipping to only 46%. Over the other four years, the average was 53%. By contrast, the library had the lowest percentages and averaged just over 12%, with a peak of 15% in 2000. From 1998 to 2004, the respondents gained the internet at work more than at college; their percentages in each of every two years were nearly unchanged, with the average of 27% and 20%, respectively. However, in 2004, using the internet at work was more common than college as the college had more than halved to about 10%, compared to a smaller reduction of 2% for work.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

~~Four surveys~~ ~~were~~ (The survey was the same in all of the years. It was just repeated. ) A survey was conducted in 1998, 2000, 2002 and 2004 (a better phrase: every other year between 1998 and 2004) asking people which ~~of four~~ locations (home, work, college, and a library) they used to connect to the Internet. The bar chart plots the percentages of responders by location and year.

(Note that the totals for each year add up to more than 100%. So the survey was multiple choice; the participants could select more than one answer. It is important to keep this in mind as it will affect your answer. In particular, "which of four" implies that they could only pick one, whereas "which locations" is more than one. When you have percentages in a data set, pay particular attention to the ones that add up to 100. That is very significant.)

Overall, the percentages ~~of respondents~~ who used the internet at work and college fell over these six years. By contrast, the patterns for home and library were almost the opposite.

In detail, the home had the highest percentages; more than half ~~of the responders~~ (You do not need to be repetitious. You can use "majority" - it means more than half.) accessed the internet at home, with the exception of 2000, dipping to only 46%. Over the other three ~~four~~ years, the average was 53%. By contrast, the library had the lowest percentages and averaged just over 12%, with a peak of 15% in 2000. From 1998 to 2004, they (Learn to use pronouns rather than repeating a word ) ~~respondents gained~~ (wrong word) used the internet at work more than at college; their percentages in each of ~~every~~ the first two surveys ~~years~~ were nearly unchanged, with the averages being of 27% and 20%, respectively. However, in 2004, using the internet at work was more common than college as the college had more than halved to about 10%, (You got it backwards.) compared to a smaller reduction of 2% for work.

Please review my Ielts writing task 1

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