Please review my IELTS writing task 1

Question

The charts give information about two genres of TV programmes watched by men and women and four different age groups in Australia.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  The chart show data of viewership by 2 gender and 4 age group of 2 different shows in Australia.   Overall, there are more females watching reality shows than males, while the number of female and male watching game shows are almost the same. In addition, the age group of 45+ is primary audience of 2 mentioned programs.  According to the reality shows are more popular in women than men. The proportion of female viewers is 70% which doubles males' figure at 35%. Unlike reality shows, game shows have balanced number of audience in 2 gender. Both male and female watchers' percentages are around 60%.   Turning to rates of age groups, the percentage of people watching reality shows increase steadily from ages 16 to over 45. Meanwhile age group 16-24 hit the lowest rate of viewer at over 50%, 45+ years old person have the highest rate. Similarly, just over 50% of 16- to 24-year-olds watch game shows, but this share is not as high as the share of people aged 45 and over watching game shows, at nearly 70%. However, the pattern is different for people from 25 to 44 years old. Only 41% of 35- to 44-year-olds watch game shows, and the share of 24- to 34-year-olds is slightly / even lower at 38%

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please post essays, paragraphs, dialogues and other writing in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post.
https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

Please attach an image of what you are writing about. We cannot help you if we can't see the figure.

Read my advice for Task 1 essays. If you have made any of the common mistakes that are described, revise your writing before posting it.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Your essay is a bit too long. Aim for 170-190 words for Task 1.

The chart (There is more than one of them. What kind of chart? There are pie charts, flow charts, organisation charts and other types. ) show data of viewership (Unnatural. What exactly is plotted on the charts?) by 2 gender (ungrammatical. Besides, are there three or four genders?) and 4 age group (wrong form) of 2 different shows (which two shows? ) in Australia. (What are the age groups?)

Your first paragraph is not good. Do not use digits (1,2,3,...) for small numbers that are not data values. Write words.

Read my advice on how to write opening paragraphs. If you would like a sample essay for this task, you may ask for one.

Overall, there are more females watching reality shows than males, while the number (Number is something like 23,190 or 563 or 1,256,784. The values plotted are not "numbers") of female and male (wrong form) watching game shows are almost the same. In addition, the age group of 45+ is the primary audience of 2 ~~mentioned~~ programs. (Two programs are two specific named TV shows such as "Game of Thrones" or "Band of Brothers")

According to the reality shows (wrong phrase. The sentence is not grammatical. There is no subject) are more popular in women than men. The proportion of female viewers is 70% which doubles (wrong form) males' figure (wrong word) at 35%. Unlike reality shows, game shows have balanced number (wrong word) of audience in 2 gender. (wrong expression) Both male and female watchers' percentages are around 60%.

Turning to rates (wrong word. There are no rates on these charts. ) of age groups, the percentage of people watching reality shows increase steadily from ages 16 to over 45. (This is an expression for a line graph. You have never mentioned the specific age groups.) Meanwhile age group 16-24 hit the lowest rate (wrong expression) of viewer (wrong form) at over 50%, 45+ years old person have the highest rate. (wrong word) Similarly, just over 50% of 16- to 24-year-olds watch game shows, but this ~~share~~ is not as high as the share of people aged 45 and over watching game shows, at nearly 70%. However, the pattern (wrong word) is different for people from 25 to 44 years old. Only 41% of 35- to 44-year-olds watch game shows, and the ~~share~~ percentage of 24- to 34-year-olds is slightly / even lower at 38%

You need to work on vocabulary and phrases for math/science writing. You have some good points and observations, but the grammar and word usage is not adequate.

If you have questions, please ask.

Please review my IELTS writing task 1

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions