Please review my IELTS writing task 1

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The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten-year period.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.The line graphs illustrate the number of foreign and native students enrolled in Australian Universities from 2001 to 2010.Overall, It is clear that the total number of local students outnumbered enormously the international ones. Also, the number of commencing students from other countries increased on the same side as the total ones.In 2001, the quantity of new and old native students was twenty times as much as the number of abroad students which just were 20,000 in total. In addition, there were around 15,000 commencing students who applied for Australian universities while approximately 180,000 Australian people became freshmen this year.Through 9 years, more and more students entered the universities, which made the total number of foreign students in the final year were four times as much as the first year, whereas there was no change in the number of local pupils in the last 3 years. In terms of first-year students, while the enrolments of freshmen from other countries rose moderately, the figures for local students were erratic and reached the highest point at over 200,000.

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Ngoc Tran 3500 · Answer

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten-year period.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graphs illustrate the number of foreign and native students enrolled in Australian Universities from 2001 to 2010.

Overall, It is clear that the total number of local students outnumbered enormously the international ones. Also, the number of commencing students from other countries increased on the same side as the total ones.

In 2001, the quantity of new and old native students was twenty times as much as the number of abroad students which just were 20,000 in total. In addition, there were around 15,000 commencing students who applied for Australian universities while approximately 180,000 Australian people became freshmen this year.

Through 9 years, more and more students entered the universities, which made the total number of foreign students in the final year were four times as much as the first year, whereas there was no change in the number of local pupils in the last 3 years. In terms of first-year students, while the enrolments of freshmen from other countries rose moderately, the figures for local students were erratic and reached the highest point at over 200,000.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

CLICK HERE => IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

The (How many?) line graphs illustrate (wrong word. Read my advice) the number of foreign ~~and native~~ students and Australians enrolled in Australian universities from 2001 to 2010. (That is incomplete. You missed half of the information.)

Overall, ~~It is clear that~~ (Delete. Read my advice) the total number of local students outnumbered ~~enormously~~ the international ones by a large margin. Also, the number of commencing students from other countries increased on the same side (That makes no sense.) as the total (That makes no sense.) ones.

In 2001, the ~~quantit~~y (wrong usage.) number of new and old ~~native~~ local students was twenty times ~~as much as~~ the number of abroad (wrong usage.) students which ~~just~~ were 20,000 in total. In addition, there were around 15,000 commencing students ~~who applied for Australian universitie~~s (All commencing students applied for these universities.) while approximately 180,000 Australians ~~people~~ became freshmen this year.

Throughout the period, ~~9 years~~, more and more students entered the universities, which made the total number of foreign students in the final year were four times (ungrammatical sentence) as much as the first year, whereas there was no change in the number of local pupils (wrong word.) in the last 3 three years. ~~In terms of first-year students,~~ While the enrolments of new freshmen from other countries rose moderately, the figures (wrong word. Read my advice) for local students were erratic and reached the highest point at over 200,000. (250,000 is over 200,000 and so is 500,000. You need to be precise.)

Learn the difference between students and pupils.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay

The two line graphs compare the numbers of local students versus international students in Australian universities between 2001 and 2010. The first graph gives the overseas students, those just starting their studies and the total number, while the second graph has the same information for the Australians.

Overall, there were many more Australians than international students throughout this period. However the numbers of overseas students increased substantially. In contrast, after rising for six years the number of Australians plateaued.

In detail, in 2001, there were 400,000 local and 20 thousand foreign students, a ratio of 20:1. Admissions also were much higher for Australians; of the 190,000 total, only 10,000 were from overseas. However the situation changed markedly as international admissions increased to 40,000, and the number of local students entering university barely changed. In 2010, the ratio was 5:1 (200 versus 40 thousand.) The totals reflected this increase in international admissions. By 2010, slightly more than 80,000 international students were enrolled, compared to 600,000 locals. Thus, over the decade, the total number of overseas students had quadrupled, but that of the Australians had gone up by 50%.

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