Please review my IELTS writing task 1

Question

Topic: the graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.The line graph shows how many men and women graduated from university in Canada between 1992 and 2007.Overall, there was a significant difference by gender, as female university graduates outnumbered males all the time. Nevertheless, they showed similar trends throughout the period. They were both on the increase in number in general, in spite of initial modest variations.Slightly below 100,000 women finished university in 1992, a number which rose to about 105,000 in 1995 before dropping back to 100,000 in 1998. From the point onwards, it was in a constantly upward trend. As a result, it exceeded 110,000 in 2002, reached 130,000 in 2005 and finally hit a high of approximately 148,000 in 2007.By comparison, there were around 70,000 male graduates in 1992. The number varied within a narrow band of 70,000 to 80,000 by 2003, when it reached approximately 82,000. Afterwards, it increased at a slow but steady pace, to around 95,000 in 2007.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line graph shows how many men and women graduated from university in Canada between 1992 and 2007.

Overall, there was a significant gender difference ~~by gender~~, as female university graduates outnumbered males all the time. Nevertheless, the~~y showed similar trends~~ two curves were highly positively correlated throughout the period being relatively flat from 1992-2001, and then steadily increasing from 2001-2006. ~~They were both on the increase in number in general, in spite of initial modest variations.~~

Slightly below 100,000 women finished university in 1992, a number which rose to about 105,000 in 1995 before dropping back to 100,000 in 1998. From the point onwards, it was in a constantly upward trend. ~~As a result,~~ it exceeding 110,000 in 2002, ~~reached~~ 130,000 in 2005 and finally hitting a high of approximately 148,000 in 2007. (No new paragraph) By comparison, there were around 70,000 male graduates in 1992. The number varied within a narrow band of 70,000 to 80,000 by 2003, when it reached approximately 82,000. Afterwards, it increased at a slow but steady pace, to around 95,000 in 2007.

To get a higher score, you need to do more combinations and comparisons. Just considering each curve separately, copying numbers from the graph to your text limits the score.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay.

In Task1, it is important to combine categories and group similar things together if possible. Making comparisons is far better than just copying the numbers from the graph to your essay.

From the sample below, you can learn some math/science vocabulary and ways to group time periods, sum categories, and compute relative proportions and percentages. You just need to do some elementary school arithmetic.

Notice how the values are compared throughout, not just considered separately.

The line graph plots the numbers of males and females who graduated from Canadian universities each year between 1992 and 2006.

Overall, the two curves are very highly correlated, with the numbers of women always exceeding that of men by similar amounts each year. The period of highest growth was from 2001 to 2006.

In detail, the graph can be divided into three time spans, a period of a relatively low rate of increase (1992-1995), a period of marginal declines (1995-2001), and finally a period with a very high rate of growth (2001-2006.). The curves paralleled each other very closely. The total number of graduates in 2006, 243,000, was about 40% more than in 1992, 170,000 with women making up around 60% of these totals. The curves showed a very small peak in 1995, with 105,000 women and 78,000 men. By 1998, numbers had declined to nearly the same level as in 1992, 100,000 women and 71,000 men. The ending numbers were 95,000 and 148,000 for men and women, respectively.

Please review my IELTS writing task 1

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