PLEASE REVIEW MY IELTS WRITING TASK 1

Question

The two bar charts represent the number of UK graduate and postgraduate students working part-time, working for voluntary, studying further and being unemployment without full-time work after leaving college in 2008.

It is clear that there was a similar decending order at both charts. Also, the entire figures of graduates were significantly higher than postgraduates.

The number of graduate students working part-time and being unemployment were in the average level, at 17.735 and 16.235, respectively. On the other hand, while most graduates pursued further study, at 29.655 students, just 3.500 UK students did volunteer work.

Standing in a medium quantity, there was 1.625 students in unemployed circumstance. Almost doubled to this figure, the majority of postgraduates worked part-time and went on further education. By contrast, roughly 5 times less than the former figure of unemployment, just 345 United Kingdom postgraduates tended to do volunteering work.

Thanks for help!!!

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

The two bar charts plot / show / compare ~~represent~~ the number of UK graduate and postgraduate students working part-time, working for voluntary, (unnatural) studying further and being unemployment (wrong phrase) without full-time work (That makes no sense) after leaving college in 2008.

~~It is clear that~~ there was a similar decending order (That makes no sense.) at both charts. Also, the entire figures (wrong word - "entire figures" is not a good collocation.) of graduates were significantly higher than postgraduates.

The number of graduate students working part-time and being unemployment were in the average level, (I do not understand this) at 17.735 and 16.235, respectively. On the other hand, while most of these graduates pursued further study, at 29.655 students, just 3.500 ~~UK students~~ did volunteer work.

Standing in a medium quantity, (That is not good English) there was 1.625 students in who were unemployed ~~circumstance~~. Almost doubled to this figure, (Poor English) the majority of these postgraduates worked part-time or ~~and~~ went on further education. By contrast, roughly 5 times less than the former figure of unemployment, (That makes no sense) just 345 ~~United Kingdom~~ postgraduates ~~tended~~ (wrong word) ~~to do~~ did volunteer~~ing~~ work.

If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one.

Much of your writing is not good English.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample Essay.

Outline:

Paragraph 1: Describe the task, consisting of two bar charts. Tell the examiner what is on the charts. In this task, it is not possible to do this in one sentence. Write two or even three sentences for complex diagrams.

Paragraph 2: Follow the instructions to "report the main features." Put two or three points for what stands out in the data.

Paragraph 3: Compare some interesting details. Focus on combining categories (where logical) and doing comparisons between the groups or categories.

Note: It really impresses the examiner to do some simple math on the data, rather than just copying numbers from the graphic to your paragraphs. You need to do this for the higher level band scores. In this case, I computed the percentages of some categories for each group because percentages are better for comparisons.

Vocabulary:

"order of magnitude" = ten times more.

The two bar charts, one for UK graduates and the other for UK postgraduates, compare what these people did after they finished their degrees in 2008, but those who accepted a full-time job are not included. Specifically, the charts give the number in each of four categories: part-time work, voluntary work, unemployment, and continuing their education.

Overall, there are nearly an order of magnitude more graduates as postgraduates on the two charts, but the relative distribution among the four categories is quite similar. Part-time work and further study had the highest, and second highest numbers, respectively.

In detail, the total number of graduates (67135) was more than nine times the postgraduates (7230). About 5% did voluntary work and 23% were unemployed in both groups. The major difference is between the two categories part-time work and further study. A quarter of the graduates accepted part-time work compared to a little more than a third of postgraduates. And almost half (44%) of the graduates went on to continue their education compared to 37% of the postgraduates.

PLEASE REVIEW MY IELTS WRITING TASK 1

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