Please Review My IELTS Writing Task 1

Question

The pie charts compare the average consumption of three nutrients in four meals, the overconsumption of which can cause some health problems.

Overall, it can be clear sodium and saturated fat are rich in foods at dinner, while added sugar is mostly from the snacks. In addition, breakfast is the fewest nutrients, which is revealed by the smallest pie on all charts.

In terms of sodium and saturated fat, both nutrients are mostly provided in the evening meals, at 43 percent and 37 percent respectively. Moreover, at lunch of both always followed dinner with 29 percent and 26 percent. Additionally, an equal proportion of sodium is contained in snacks and breakfast with 14 percent each, while the percentage of saturated fat is contained in snacks and breakfast, with 21 percent and 16 percent respectively.

Regarding chart added sugar, more than 40 percent of the nutrient is from the snacks and followed closely by at dinner just 23 percent. The added sugar values at lunch are significantly lower, with 19 percent and breakfast is not dense in added sugar only 16 percent.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The pie charts (How many? and what is in each chart?) compare the average consumption of three nutrients in four meals, (that makes no sense. ) the overconsumption of which (the meals? ) can cause some health problems.

Overall,

Overall, ~~it can be clear~~ (Do not use "empty" it-clauses.) sodium and saturated fat are rich in foods at dinner, while added sugar is mostly from the snacks. In addition, breakfast is (wrong verb) the fewest (wrong usage Fewest is for count nouns. ) nutrients, which is revealed by the smallest pie (Wrong expression. The pie is the whole circle - like a pizza pie. The pie charts do not have different sizes. ) on all charts.

In terms of sodium and saturated fat, both nutrients are mostly provided in the evening meals, (There is not more than one evening meal.) at 43 percent and 37 percent respectively. Moreover, at lunch of both always followed dinner (I do not understand this.) with 29 percent and 26 percent. Additionally, an equal proportion of sodium is contained in snacks and breakfast with 14 percent each, while the percentage of saturated fat is contained (wrong expression) in snacks and breakfast, with 21 percent and 16 percent respectively.

Regarding chart added sugar, (unnatural, You did not tell the reader that there was a chart labeled "added sugar") more than 40 percent of the nutrient is from the snacks and followed closely by at dinner just 23 percent. The added sugar values at lunch are significantly lower, with 19 percent and breakfast is not dense in added sugar (comma) only 16 percent.

There is a lot of unnatural English in your essay. Write clear and simple sentences.

In the first paragraph, describe the infographic. Here are four points about it.

1. There are three pie charts.

2. Each pie chart has data about one nutrient and how much of that nutrient is consumed in each of four meals.

3. The meals are breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.

4. The nutrients are sodium, saturated fat, and added sugars.

It is very difficult to put all this information in one sentence. You may need to write two or three sentences. That is fine - the goal is to be clear.

Examples:

The three pie charts, one each for sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar, depict how much of the total daily intake of these nutrients is distributed over four meals, breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. The data is from the US.

The three pie charts present information on the eating habits of Americans, specifically the daily intake of three unhealthy nutrients. The first gives the percentage of sodium consumed daily in each of the four meals, the second gives saturated fat, and the third, added sugars. The four meals are breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.

Please Review My IELTS Writing Task 1

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