Please review my IELTS writing task 1

Question

The graph shows the percentage of UK adolescents following a vegetarian dietThe line graph gives information about the proportion of youngsters who choose to follow vegetarianism in the UK from 1960 to 2020 Overall, the graph shows two main periods of adolescents who interested in vegetarianism: the plant-based eating tendency was most popular in the first twenty years, and the downward trend in forty years later There was an upward trend from 1960 to 1980. In 1960, only a small young people were vegetarians (about 1%). Thereafter, it increased dramatically until reached its highest point at 17%, followed by a steep fall to approximately 6% in 1991 The number of young people eating vegetables tend to decline in the second period. There was a fluctuation until 2000. Over the following ten years, the percentage of young vegetarians rose moderately from nearly 5% to 11%. Then it expected to remain the same in the next nine years.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line graph gives information about ("information about" is very vague and non-specific." Information about" could be the average height, the age ranges, ethnicity, gender, and other parameters. When you describe a graph, tell the reader exactly what is plotted. ) the proportion of youngsters (Wrong word. Youngsters in the US are aged about 7-12. They are pre-teenagers.) who choose to follow vegetarianism in the UK from 1960 to 2020 (missing punctuation.)

Overall, the graph shows two main periods of adolescents (wrong phrase. Adolescents do not have periods. Time has periods.) who interested (wrong verb phrase. You left out the helping verb. The verb is wrong too. I am interested in rollerblading, but I would never do it. It is too dangerous for me. ) in vegetarianism: the plant-based eating tendency (Very awkward and unnatural) was most popular in the first twenty years, and the downward trend in forty years later (That does not make sense.) (missing punctuation.)

There was an upward trend from 1960 to 1980. In 1960, only a small young people (ungrammatical) were vegetarians (about 1%). Thereafter, it increased dramatically until reached its highest point at 17%, followed by a steep fall to approximately 6% in 1991 (missing punctuation.)

The number of young people eating vegetables tend to decline in the second period. (What is that in years?) There was a fluctuation (wrong word) until 2000. Over the following ten years, the percentage of young vegetarians rose moderately from nearly 5% to 11%. Then it expected (wrong verb form) to remain the same over in the next nine years.

Model (200 words)

The line graph plots the proportion of UK teenagers who are vegetarians from 1960 to 2020.

Overall, the graph can be segmented into three distinct time periods, 1960-1980, 1980 to 1998 and from 1998 to the end of the period, 2020.

In the first period, the percentage increased linearly from a low value of practically none in 1960 to a peak value in 1980, at about 17%. At this point, it was the highest value over the entire period. This segment had the steepest rise of all the time segments on the graph.

This trend abruptly reversed and over the next eleven years, dropped linearly by about 10%, or 1% annually. The percentage in 1991 was about 7%. For about a year (1991-2), there was a reversal of this trend when the value went up by about 2%. However, the declining trend again continued for another six years to 1998 when it reached a low point of about 4%. This was the same as it had been in 1965. From 1998, a another upward trend began. There was a faltering start between 1999 and 2000, but it became very pronounced until 2011 when the curve flattened at a value of 10%.

Please review my IELTS writing task 1

The graph shows the percentage of UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet

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