Please review my IELTS writing task 1

Question

The chart below shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.The bar chart makes a comparison between two genders in educational institutions in the UK in 2010. It shows what percentage of teachers were male and what percentage were female. In two of six educational setting, female outnumbered male, female teachers made up a particularly large proportion of teaching in nursery and primary school, where there were more than five times as many female educators as male educators. In secondary school, there was nearly as many men (approximately 45) as women (approximately 55). The gender gap was equal in college, where both stood at 50. Male took a bigger role in teaching in higher-level institutions. This was clearly true for universities, where twice as many males were teaching staff than females.  Overall, women tend to hold the more typically maternal role of teaching young children. While males were responsible in the higher status teaching role of university lecturer.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

quynhnghi tonnueducators

This is used in US English. Teachers is the normal term used in the UK.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The bar chart makes a comparison between two genders (wrong usage. This means there are more than two, and the chart only shows two of them.) in educational institutions in the UK in 2010. It shows what percentage of teachers were male and what percentage were female. (Incomplete. How many different institutions are shown? What are they?)

Example:

The bar chart compares the ratios of men to women teachers in six different categories of educational institutions in the UK in 2010. There is pre-school, two categories of compulsory education: primary and secondary education and three categories of tertiary education: college, private training institutes and university.

In two of six educational setting, (wrong form) female (wrong form) outnumbered male, (wrong form) female teachers made up a particularly large proportion of teaching in nursery and primary school, where there were more than five times as many. ~~female educators as male educators~~. In secondary school, there was nearly as many men (approximately 45) (Were there only 45 individual men?) as women (approximately 55). The gender gap was equal (wrong usage. A gap is the difference between two values. e.g. The gender gap in software development is equal to that in accounting. Here, the percentages are equal and there is no gender gap at all. ) in college, where both stood at 50.

Male (wrong form) took a ~~bigger~~ more significant role in teaching in higher-level institutions. This was clearly true for universities, where twice as many males were teaching ~~staff~~ than females.

Overall, women tend to hold the more typically maternal role (This is a conclusion or opinion. Avoid making such statements in Task 1.) of teaching young children. While males were responsible in the higher status (This is an opinion. ) teaching role of university lecturer.

Please review my IELTS writing task 1

The chart below shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.

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