Please review my IELTS WRITING TASK 1

Question

The bar chart illustrates the amount of waste collected to recycle in four categories: paper, glass, tins, matter from gardens between 2011 and 2015.

It can be seen from the graph, the amount of paper waste stood at the highest collection while types of waste were glass, tins and rubbish in gardens had some variations over the period. The amounts were measured in tons.

At the beginning of the period, the tons of recycling paper was 57. Although the amount fluctuated some years, there was a considerable increase to 70 tons in 2015. Similarly, the amount of glass collected were 48 tons, after that this figure varied and reached 52 tons in the end.

In contrast, the collections of tins and matter from gardens were the least amounts recycled. Around 35 tons of tins waste were collected in 2011 and at the end of period, there was a slight increase to 39 tons. Likewise, the whole amount of waste collected from garden was 35, which was the lowest amount recycled in every year.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The bar chart ~~illustrates~~ gives (Use "illustrate" for maps and process charts.) the amount of waste collected to recycle in four categories: paper, glass, tins, matter from gardens (ungrammatical series) between 2011 and 2015.

~~It can be seen from the graph,~~ (

~~It can be seen from the graph,~~ (Those are unnecessary words. They do not tell the reader anything about the information.. You also have a comma splice error) the amount of paper waste stood at the highest collection (wrong phrasing) while ~~types of waste were~~ (ungrammatical clause structure) glass, tins and rubbish in gardens had some variations over the period. T~~he amounts were measured in tons.~~

(That sentence belongs in the first paragraph. It describes the chart, not the information in it.)

Model paragraph #2:

Overall, more paper was recycled than any other type of material throughout the period, ranging from 48 to 70 tons. The smallest amount in each year was garden waste; between 15 and 35 tons were collected. The year with the lowest tonnage of recycled material was 2012; only 133 tons in all. In contrast, 166 tons of waste were recycled three years later, in 2015.

At the beginning of the period, the tons of recycling paper was 57. (unnatural) Although the amount fluctuated (wrong word.) some years, there was a considerable increase to 70 tons in 2015. Similarly, the amount of glass collected were (wrong form) 48 tons, after that this figure (wrong word.) varied and reached 52 tons in the end.

In contrast, the collections (wrong word) of tins and matter from gardens were the least amounts recycled. Around 35 tons of tins (wrong form - tin) waste were collected in 2011 and at the end of period, there was a slight increase to 39 tons. Likewise, the ~~whole~~ amount of waste collected from garden (wrong form.) was 35 tons, which was the lowest amount recycled in every year.

Please review my IELTS WRITING TASK 1

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