Please review my IELTS WRITING TASK 1

Question

The bar chart represents changes in number of occupations in tourism sectors in one city of the UK from 1989 to 2009. Overall, it is clear from the chart that restaurants and hotels were the most popular jobs, whereas sport and travel were chosen the least over the period.

In 1989, the number of job in restaurants stood at the highest of 4 industries, around 1100. Between 1994 and 2004, this figure increased considerably from 1300 to 1600, but after there was a significant decrease in 2009, approximately 1300. Similarly, hotels were also the second common option. Although the number of hotels was higher than restaurants in 1994, this number jumped to over 1000 in the end.

In contrast, the jobs in sport activities and tourism had some fluctuation over a 20 year period. Although the year 1999 witnessed a considerable increase in sport and leisure, there was plunged in 2009 from over 1000 to 700. Likewise, travel and tours were not a common choice, which stood at 400 at the end of the period.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You did not read my advice that I gave you in your last post. If you don't learn from my corrections, they are useless for you.

Please read my advice on Task 1. You make all the usual mistakes.
IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

The bar chart represents (wrong word - show, depict, present) changes in number of occupations (wrong word - an occupation is a type of job, not an individual job) in tourism sectors (wrong word ) in one city of the UK from 1989 to 2009. (Your paragraph is incomplete. What were the industries? How many? How frequent are the bars?) Overall, ~~it is clear from the chart that~~ (extraneous verbiage) restaurants and hotels were the most popular jobs, (wrong expression. A hotel is not a job; it is a place to stay when you are on holiday.. A restaurant is not a job; it is a place to have a meal.) whereas sport and travel were chosen (wrong word ) the least over the period.

In 1989, the number of job (wrong form) in restaurants stood at the highest of the four 4 industries, around 1100. Between 1994 and 2004, this figure (wrong word - You did not read my advice, did you? You make the same mistakes.) increased considerably from 1300 to 1600, but after there was a significant decrease in 2009, approximately 1300. Similarly, hotels were also the second common option. Although the number of hotels (Incorrect. There are no counts of hotels or restaurants on the bar chart. Number of hotels - e.g. four, The Sheraton, The Belvedere, The Marriott, and the Grand. ) was higher than restaurants in 1994, this number jumped to over 1000 in the end.

In contrast, the jobs in sport activities and tourism had some fluctuation (wrong word ) over a (wrong word ) 20 year period. Although the year 1999 witnessed (wrong word - Years cannot witness anything.) a considerable increase in sport and leisure, there was plunged (wrong word ) in 2009 from over 1000 to 700. Likewise, travel and tours were not a common choice, which stood at 400 (wrong expression. The number of tours is not on the chart.) at the end of the period.

Please review my IELTS WRITING TASK 1

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions