Please review my IELTS writing part 1

Question

The picture illustrates the process of making instant noodles in a factory without human interference. Overall, this process consists of 8 mains phrases, starting with a truck provide flour for the storage silos and ending with labeling and sealing the final produces.
At the first stage, flour is provided and stored at the storage silos. From here, that main ingredient with a mixture of water and oil is delivered to a mixer then goes to the rollers to straighten them up. After this process has been completed, the resulting mixtures are cut into several equally strips to prepare for the next steps.
During the next step, the dough strips are molded to noodles discs, then they are cooked with oil and left to dry. Following this, these dry noodles discs, together with vegetables and spices, are put into cups. And the process finally ends with all those cups being sealed and labeled.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote barely over the minimum. To be safe, aim to write 170-190 words.

The picture illustrates the process of making instant noodles in a factory without human interference. ( How do you know this? Isn't there anyone driving the truck? Or maintaining the equipment? Or delivering the products? Start a new paragraph when you begin writing about the main points.) ~~Overall, this process consists of 8 mains phrases, starting with a truck provide flour for the storage silos and ending with labeling and sealing the final produces.~~

Overall, this process consists of eight (If a small number is not a data value, write it in words.) 8 mains (wrong word) stages ~~phrases~~, starting with a truck provide (wrong form) flour for the storage silos and ending with labeling and sealing the final produces. (wrong word)

At the first stage, flour is delivered ~~provided~~ and stored at the storage silos. From here, that main ingredient with a mixture of water and oil ~~is delivered~~ goes to a mixer then ~~goes~~ to the rollers to straighten them up. (wrong expression) After this process has been completed, (wrong expression. The process is continuous. The completion is at the last stage.) the resulting mixtures are cut into several equally (wrong form) strips ~~to prepare for the next steps~~.
During the next step, the dough strips are molded to noodles discs, then they are cooked with oil and left to dry. Following this, these dry noodles discs, together with vegetables and spices, are put into cups. And the process finally ends with all those cups being sealed and labeled.

Example essay:

The diagram illustrates the process of making instant noodles in an automated factory.

Overall, the process is a continuous one during which the noodles are prepared from flour, water and oil, flavoring and vegetables added, and the final product made ready. There are eight main stages, most of which are involved in making the dehydrated noodles from the three primary raw ingredients. It ends with cups of noodles ready to be delivered to markets. The diagram does not show the preparation of the added ingredients, vegetables and spices.

In detail, the factory is supplied with flour, delivered by truck to storage silos. The noodles are made in the first six stages, beginning with transferring the flour from the silos, and mixing the flour with water and oil to form dough. The dough is flattened into thin sheets through rollers, and then sliced into narrow strips. These strips are sliced and squeezed into small discs, which are deep fried in an oil bath and then dried. At stage seven, the dried noodles are combined with vegetables and spices into cups, and the last stage is labelling and sealing the cups.

Please review my IELTS writing part 1

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