PLEASE REVIEW MY IELTS WRITING ACADEMIC

Question:

Provide reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

**note: please check my entire essay,pick out every single minor error that i've made and tell me how i can fix it. I know it's too long of an answer but i don't know what to cut out,also should i stated my opinion at the end of the essay? Thank you for your support

Answer:

Nowadays, some people believe that arts should be funded by the government and big companies. Others find that view uneconomical and the money should be invested in scientific researches. Although there are advantages and disadvantages, both sides holds some remarkable points for their arguments.

On the supporters side, they argue that art holds a special position on our daily basis and there for, should be funded by the government and big companies. They reason that life is more than just existence, it must come along with joy. Arts are a very common and effective methods to bring happiness to everyone's life. Through arts, hash reality can be turned into colorful masterpieces like the famous "Starry Night" was painted when Van Gogh was living the darkest moments of his life behind the bars in an asylum or the famous "Symphony No5." written by Beethoven when he was deft. With government and companies funds, arts can be even more popularize, encourages people to create more arts, to live more productive, positive lives.

On the other side, people argue that a productive and happy live can and should be achieved by new scientific achievements that improves life quality. Arts do contribute to our happy lives but they are profitable for artists and they don't need the resources from society to sustain itself. Scientific projects on the other hand is heavily depended on sponsorships to creates changes and developments which drastically improve our lives better than arts. With that same amount of money, government and big companies should invest it in scientific projects to bring more value to society.

In my opinion, arts shouldn't receive money from government and big companies. Arts just drives us away from harsh life, get us a moment of joy to enjoy existence, not solving the problems. With proper amount of money invested into science, we alter the future.

Long story short, some people think that the arts should be funded because it promotes a positive way of looking at the world. Others thinks that money should be invested in scientific projects as it is more practical to solve the problem than to look at it differently.