Please review my IELTS writing

Topic:

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this.

Why is this happening?

Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

My essay:

In recent years, close-knit families are slowly disappeared and a large portion of people finds it is acceptable. The reasons to it is the fact that having loose contacts creates many opportunities in financial and social aspects.

Firstly, being far away from family members declares the state of independent. Indeed, people must rely on themselves since they do not have any support from the family. Because of that, they are able to manage their lifes with out the influence from their own families. For example, Asians whose lifes being have been independent from their teenage will have more chance to success in carrers.

Secondly, having a decent distance from family avoids unnecessary conflicts. As we all know, family affects the decisions of all members, especially the youngsters. Sometimes the influence will create diffrent points of views and in that case, it is easy to start an agument, even when the generation gap is small. For example, my older sister now have the right to buy the furnitures and to decorate anything she wants without the permission from my mother since she have moved to another accomodation.

Although being apart brings many benefits, it also creates negative concequencces and the most recognisable one is having the connection among members faded. In fact, every relationships must have a regular reinforcement and being seperated for too long will disrupt the memories family members created in the past. My close friend had just finished four years of studying in New Zealand and when he came back, his parents even banished him because they did not recognise his face.

In conclusion, being loosely connected to the family has many beneficial advantages and it is definitely overshadow the defects.